I was going to short this one, since it is a simple, thin episode... more eye candy than anything else, but since that proved so unsatisfying before I'm going to aim for a longer format. Maybe even the longest format! I keeed!
So, Captain's Log, Stardate... all that jazz.
The Enterprise has established a colony and found another habitable, habited world nearby and are dutifully checking it out. I'm not going to unpack expository setups, I think, so there you have it. It is, however, the Rubicon star system. If that isn't relevant to you, I weep for your lack of classical education, but for once I won't learn ya. This time, you're on your own.
Riker's already on the planet, Weasley is on the bridge, but not the conn. This is so the scene will work, I guess. He's staged for dialog. This means no recognizable characters (not even colm meany, who I believe hasn't reappeared since Farpoint yet, as of this episode) are up front, for once.
There is a very awkward bit here. I think its meant to be clever, the voice over narration of the Captain's Log seamlessly (?) transitioning to Picard talking to Troi, but it comes out as a somewhat off putting random shout into Troi's face, as Stewart pulls a full shakespearean stage projection in order to keep the voice over and speaking tones similar. Yikes. I can imagine Troi responding with the same artless stiffness this implies and making the entire production look like a bad Youtube movie... but Doc walks in and saves her from having to carry her end of the needlessly artificial conversation.
In retrospect, its a bit weird. Doc walks in and apologizes for interrupting Troi, Troi tells Picard that Doc wants to talk to him, he responds to Doc directly, as if she'd asked, reminding us that she wants Shore Leave for the crew (oh... the Irony!).
NOW Doc gets to talk to Picard.
I mean, notice that you've got four distinct pieces of dialog there before Doc says a word to Picard directly, and the conversation is more than half way over. It works, its smooth, but when you think about it, its funny.
Aside: Pausing the screen when Picard starts to say 'Shore Leave' leaves him with (very thin) duck Lips.
Doc's first actual line is "establishing this colony has been exhausting for the crew. We are not a supply ship, you know..."
Begging the question: Why is the Star Fleet Flagship delivering colonists and supplies anyway? The second colony isn't really plot relevant (um... spoiler?), its merely an excuse for the crew to need shore leave, and to be in the sector... not that naval ships need excuses for shore leave, and the enterprise an excuse to be in some region of space, but there you have it.
So, once Doc has set up the basic premise (shore leave) the away team comes walking in all smiles and the conn operators do the shift change shuffle. See?! See!!? This is the problem with making the entire bridge crew your primary staff, weird nonsensical shit like this!!! Anyway, Riker passes in front of the command chairs for framing reasons, Picard asks about the world.
So I was wrong about Weasley's placement then? Did they just want him there so 'mom' could stand over him in some sort of weird foreshadowing? Since they've already established him as 'pilot' qualified or whatever, why not have him in the Conn so you don't have this busy ass seat shuffle to get rid of both nameless geeks (in the Uller sense of the word) for their more famous counterparts?
Anyway: You know this is an early episode. After Riker gets done praising the world, Doc goes on about how great it will be, as the Holodecks are so inadequate to replace a open spaces and fresh air. This, despite the very impressive showcasing of the Holodeck in the pilot episode at creating just that, complete with Weasley falling in a creek of holowater that didn't disappear into static as soon as he left the deck (violation of the rules of the setting!).
By later seasons, maybe even later this season, the Holodeck will have been established as functionally indistinguishable from real life in both the way the characters/writers treat it, and the way the fans perceive it. This line would have been excoriated if it were uttered after any one of those immensely popular Holodeck episodes (one of which immediately follows this one, as I recall... amusingly).
Anyway: Yar gives her briefing on the local statutes, which is used as a springboard for LaForge to chime in about how sexual the people are, and Yar to make a sort of dazed expansion that indicates she spent more time exploring that then reading laws.
Spoiler: We know Yar, in fact the entire Enterprise crew, sucks at doing homework, particularly where laws are concerned. Yar's comment about the local law isn't just bridge-chatter flavor, or setting up her interplay with Laforge, its actually central to the entire fucking plot. Young Mr Crusher (Space Jesus!) will find himself facing very swift and final justice...that's death... for falling into a flowerbed.
Given that execution is the only form of punishment on the planet, we can say, objectively, that Tasha Yar did not, in fact, do any real research into the local legal codes. Its not enough to know what things are illegal, you have to have some idea how they are punished! Murder, theft, rape... these things are almost universally criminal, even among savage cultures. But there is a huge difference between weregild and hanging, ya catch? You think it might be important to know that in Iran they'll cut your hand off for theft? Its not enough to know that theft is illegal in Iran. Theft is pretty much illegal everywhere.
And since making these sorts of things illegal seems to be a foundational necessity to build a functioning social network... a society... we can presume that almost any intelligent race, no matter how alien, will have similar outlooks on these behaviors.
In short: Yar didn't need to check to see if stealing was a crime, she needed to see how they punished it. In this case, that was literally the ONLY thing she needed to do to realize there was something very, very important to pass on to the captain before he let people on shore leave. If it weren't for the fact that this is a writer's dodge for the purposes of building... not suspense exactly but something like it... she'd be fired the moment this gross dereliction of duty was discovered.
And since Riker backs her play, he's up for a letter of reprimand at a minimum. Even Dummy Picard knows there has to be a downside, but he trusts Numba One, and lets it go.
So, redirect.
I went back and watched closely. Riker, Data and Yar all leave the turbo lift. You see LaForge take his place at the conn, and his dialog establishes he was on the away team. Worf? I see no sign of him moving into place, but I seem to recall one of the natives approaches him familiarly later...
This is relevant. The Enterprise has been in orbit for some time, but now that Data is at the Conn he reports an 'anomaly' and Worf states that he had reported it earlier. What does this imply? Two things; The replacement bridge crew is fucking incompetent, and Picard is a dummy. He knew about this anomaly and ignored it for hours or days, sending away the one person who knew the most about it, and the second person who is possibly the single most competent member of the crew, who should have been looking into it.
Ya, ya... TV. Only important actors get to actually do stuff, or something. Again: Space Jesus Weasley was on the bridge for this entire scene.
Its just sloppy writing. Having Worf establish the history of the Anomaly creates this entire fucking mess, or exaggerates the parts that exist because only Data seems to notice it, thirty seconds after sitting down, while the dudes that were there earlier... well... What is wrong with 'Captain, I'm picking up an anomaly, very faint.' you can even add something like 'We seem to be sharing an orbital path with it, but I believe we are getting closer to it', which would establish why the geeks didn't spot it.
But no. They have to handle it in the hackiest, most problematic way possible. Sigh.
So, Picard sets the frame by walking up to look over Data's shoulder. Yar, ever incompetent except at judo flipping motherfuckers, waves it off as a sensor glitch... you know, because Security is an expert on sensors or something. Picard, dull as ever, buys it and uses that to springboard an entendre to Riker about glitches on the planet.
For the record: Kirk may have been a randy bastard (Saint Kirk, patron of randy space captains in my circle of friends), but this entire bridge crew seems to be gunning to one up him personally, from the way Picard and Doc occasionally try to undress each other in public (ok, while space drunk, but still...), to Riker the manwhore to fucking Data, the god damn robot with a girlfriend and a history of proving his full functionality!
I've lost track of how many sly winking nods to the recreational uses of the holodeck I've seen so far! Christ, its a wonder any of them ever reports to duty? Maybe holodecks are only available to Star Fleet Officers (Poor O'brien, the only enlisted guy on the ship!)? That'd be motivation to keep your job, I guess?
Anyway: We FINALLY get to Weasley's purpose for being on the bridge... again, hack writing, or rather direction, to just slap him in the bitch seat on the bridge instead of manning a conn station. Picard gets the wonderful idea to send Space Jesus planet side (special privileges for special people) to evaluate this sexual grotto (Seriously, every comment so far has been either about how lovely it is, or how much the locals fuck...) for the other juveniles on the ship.
Dafuq?
Seriously: Three of your away team can't stop winking and smirking about how much sex they had instead of doing their jobs, and you think its a brilliant idea to send a young teenage boy to the planet to check it out? I thought Picard hated 'children'?
And you can practically see Weasley pop a space boner at the idea. No on, not one person points out how inappropriate it is to send any kids to a space brothel. Sigh.
And the sad thing is? Any single member of the crew could have been the 'at risk' member of the crew. Oh, the familial drama might ratchet up some tension, giving Picard and Doc to exchange awkward words and so forth, but seriously: we've already put Yar into this exact position, we've still got Troi if you want a damsel, or LaForge, who's been space sick... Worf? Can you imagine the drama of the hyper honorable warrior told that he needs to sacrifice his life for the Law to preserve the reputation of the Federation? Hell, half the drama would be convincing Worf to go along with being saved!
Nope. Gotta be the inappropriately aged teenage Space Jesus.
Weird note: Young Crusher has pretty much the same smile as Old Crusher. I wonder if that helped his casting? And why does he always look sick? Isn't his space mom a doctor??
Captain's Log:
Narration voiceover while observing the locals, which is nice. Lots of pretty girls in scandalously short short outfits (for television anyway), with similarly clad men making out with them in the grass very chastely. Now, I'm neither a hetero woman nor a gay man, but I do believe the same type of scanty outfits on men just doesn't quite work. I may lack the appropriate bias to report honestly, but they mostly look goofy. I suspect the hand of PC in making that choice (though honestly? Simply putting the men in just shorts would have fit both the PC requirement AND been moderately 'attractive' vs the weird 'mankinis' they wear. Also: I now note the man in the grass kissing a nameless cute girl is clearly a body builder type (sculpted muscle rather than aggregate mass), but when we meet the 'Edo' characters, they have some tanned and slender but otherwise sort of doughy dude as the man male Edo. Weird choice, since I'm pretty sure no one found that attractive. What? Was muscleman only available for an hour? Did he have the acting chops of a dead cow? I mean: Male Edo Guy was hardly a charismatic powerhouse or anything.
Whatever.
People beam down. Edo run up to them. The Edo do a lot of running, which is cool with me. Worf gets all bodyguard like for Riker... so, no. Worf was on the bridge the whole time just watching the anomaly, just doing his thing.
I think this whole over-anxious defender shit gets dropped by season two. God, I hope so: Between Worf and Yar the Federation looks like a bunch of canadian pop idols hiring meatheads to look 'street'.
So, Riker admires the Edo. For a little Yay-hoo, he seems to be admiring BOTH Edo (male and female), and Troi steps up with her best bitch face in place. I note her interactions with Riker reveal the lie of enlightened, unjealous betazed empathic whatnot, and more evolved Federation attitudes about relationships. Actually, I guess they predicted the world of today, where women talk about sexual empowerment, guys like Riker (tall, handsome (?), rich/powerful) get to fuck anyone they want under the guise of enlightened sexuality and the women seethe with jealousy but pretend they all empowered? Seems that way. Riker and Troi exchange a look, and I just know that not only is Riker planning to bang an Edo or two, but he's totally gonna give it to Troi later just to keep her from flipping her lid.
Hey, I'm not the dirty perv that wrote all that sexual subtext into a Star Trek show, I just report it when I see it. And yeah, I see it because I'm that dirty perv.
Anyway, the Edo finally reach the crew and the chick immediately comes up and gives Riker a close, sensual hug while Troi does her best to swallow her bitch face. No, seriously: they cut to her doing her best to not be jealous, because 'inzadi'. Riker starts to make introductions but the guy totally cuts him off to approach Troi. Now, the Edo have no reason, as far as we can see, for having the same sexual politics humans do, but 'Leetor' or whatever totally slow walks his approach and gives a close, but not terribly sensual looking, almost 'safe' hug, compared to what the chick gives Riker. Why? Sexual assault?
Eh. Anyway, Troi's reaction is both cliched awkward and priceless. Also, damn!: Girl got talons!
Then he hugs Yar with familiarity. It takes a moment for Denise Crosby to get in character, but when she does she goes all out with the reaction, giving him both a Woobie hug and the camera a dirty girl smile. Yeah... that's why she doesn't know the Edo execute all their criminals, no matter how petty or accidental.
For a woman with a history of running from Rape Gangs, she's collecting a lot of lovers. Did she get her shot in the Space Drunk episode, or is she a functional Spacaholic?
Also: Denise can totally look the actor in the eye. Seriously: if they want both sexes of Edo to look attractive, why'd the pick this guy? Woman like taller men, scientific fact. Unless... Riker's accidental admiration for both Edo wasn't accidental? This is more secret gay subtext slipping past the Censors?
Whatever. I've got (girl) Edo asses to admire, so I might miss a few lines in the review...
Oh, so I totally miss Troi's utterly unnecessary empathic evaluation (and seriously: Don't you think people would find it offensive if you openly had an empath with you scanning every stranger you met? Not the Federation apparently...). The upshot is that we get another innuendo when Troi bites off her second description, pauses and uses 'Happiness' while giving Yar a meaningful look... with Yar returning it with bashfulness.
So, Troi was going to say 'horny'? I bet she was going to say horny.
And, of course... Weasley is right there.
Okay: For the record, I'm all for teenage boys being sent to the whorehouse, or whatever, to get their dicks wet from a nice clean professional before they fumble their way through a back seat encounter that no one will enjoy, so I nominally approve of bringing 'the boy' along to the Edo. My commentary is, however, based more on the commonly accepted social biases of the world we live in, which means that I'm really pointing out the absurdity of this episode being written as is with no one ever thinking of just how odd it is to bring 'the boy' to a world of half naked women who fuck at the drop of a hat... and his only chaperones being horny adults looking forward to getting it on with said half naked people. If you have no intention of getting his cherry popped its eight shades of fucked up, and if you DO intend that, than fucking OWN it. You know, like Firefly when Morena Baccarin's Space Hooker was supposed to make the mud Duke's son a 'man', or Key West, when one of Jennifer Tilly's clients (she was The Hooker) was a teenage boy, brought there by dad. Hell, that show was contemporary with this episode. But this is just fucking incongruous every way you look at it.
Anyway, Worf gets a hug that so sensual its practically foreplay, and Michael Dorn can't help but break character to enjoy it before he totally Worfs up a deadpan 'Nice Planet'.
And finally someone recognizes the problem. Who? The hot naked chick, who takes on look as Weasley and goes "Dafuq? you boychick! This cool?"
Weasley, totally on the spot, wants to say 'Yeah, we cool', but he's got five adults standing with him. Given their utter lack of concern at any point, I have to assume that he could have just gone with it and they would have said, at most, 'Hey, don't bogart the babes!', but he stammers out a 'Whatever works for you', so she gives him a nice sisterly hug. Its kinda sweet, but, you know: Space Jesus.
Riker, utterly unconcerned with Weasley's problem, starts off by asking how many people can come down for shore leave, and the dude Edo, who I think is digging Riker (kidding), says 'As many as you want, big boy. Lets talk about it in my chambers...'.
Er... I think he means council chambers. This makes Girl Edo upset, as that means they don't have time to 'play', which totally means fuck. This was awesome television when I was young and didn't have porn. On the other hand, both Edo have sort of grating voices, like their glottal stops have been removed or something, like Fran Dresher when she's not playing the Nanny.
And yeah, that's not me perving, either. Riker asks, all innuendo-ing "play?" and she clarifies "At Love".
So yeah. The Away Team has been on planet for a minute and she's already looking to get boned by Riker and or Worf... maybe both. Poor Space Jesus.
Yeah, she's good with either of them, clearly established in scene. Dude Edo puts Troi on the spot, and despite her utter lack of interest during her hug, she plays bashful, like he caught her leering. So... betazeds have delayed reaction lust?
Space Jesus perks up to remind everyone that no one is planning to bone him today, so all this talk of boning is really super awkward and stuff. Once again, the only person who actually get is is girl Edo, who totally feels guilty and drops all that play talk. Yup, gonna go to Council and meet other young people (which doesn't exactly mean LESS boning, just age appropriate boning, but we'll ignore that...). Space Jesus responds with an utter nonsequitor about not making promises. What? You don't promise to go to the council chambers and meet age appropriate girls? You planning to just stand there when everyone leaves then? She didn't ask a fucking thing of you, man! This is why everyone ignores you, you little cunt (thats the british cunt, not the american cunt. Say it in Bricktop's voice, then feed Space Jesus to some pigs).
Guy Edo responds to this with a really creepy breath-laugh that suggests that Space Jesus is right his speed too. He excuses this by saying that Weasley doesn't have to do anything he doesn't like.
Because following everyone to a council chamber to meet more people is a huge burden no one should ever be forced to do. No, no... much better to stand on this random patch of grass and meet different strangers. Nobody asked him to do a fucking thing! Seriously!!!!
And for no reason, Dude Edo suggests to Chick Edo that maybe the Federation people can't run. And Space Jesus takes this as a mortal insult to his masculine honor.
So, the Federation people are all in their Onsies, which include some sort of shiny dress shoes. Not running clothes. Well, Space Jesus is in his omnipresent ugly sweater, and I haven't checked out his feet. I feel sorry for the actors, as running in inappropriate footwear, on top of inappropriate clothing, is just sad making. The Edo are wearing their little outfits (and seriously, I may have a future girlfriend make one for herself out of an old sheet), which if nothing else make decent athletic attire, being light weight, breathing fabric, and loose but not baggy. Their little shoes seem like maybe sandals or light cloth shoes over flat crepe soles. Not what I'd wear to a marathon, but at least they'll be comfortable for the dozen or so awkward on camera running moments.
Hmm...
So, running over, Riker gets a new hug, which I think is for the sheer value of seeing Girl Edo stretch out against his body this time, and Guy Edo gets the attention of a trio, two boys and a girl, to introduce Space Jesus to them, moving the plot creakily along.
That's unfair of me: the creaky timing is the sheer, indulgent pace at which I write of the various things I notice while watching.
So, things that make me go Hmm... both the young men are wearing shorts that dip dangerously close to their balls in the front, while the girl is wearing, basically, a jumper that is modest enough to get an approving nod from a mormon. Normally I'd let this pass but...
First we have the 'behind the scenes' comments about how TNG was trying to find ways to slip the pro-gay message into the show even from episode one (and the Man-dresses). Not that I think half naked young men is necessarily a crypto-gay message (I'm getting there). I do think if you're that determined, circa 1988, to get pro-gay messages on TV, then at least some movers and shakers behind the scenes were, in fact Gay. Gay and Hollywood have gone together since the 'Knitting Circles' of the silent movie era, and probably much, much earlier.
Second: Brian Singer's recent legal woes, which reminds me of Cory Feldman's charges of rampant pedophilia in Hollywood, bring to mind the not so secret fact that, well, gays in hollywood love using their power to fuck young hot men.
Third: gay men, like straight men, prefer younger lovers. There is nothing wrong with that basic, biological attraction, in theory. However, I've noticed that the Gay activists have been ever more reluctant to accept the simple fact that if they want to be mainstream they will have to accept the same rules for 'appropriate ages' that straight men have had to accept. Its actually MORE important that they do, actually, and yet they act as if they have a special exemption. None of this is relevant to 1988, except to show that gay men have a long standing tendency to pursue young men.
Which brings me back to the costuming here. These two young men are wearing shorts with cleavage notches pointing straight to their dicks, and nothing else, and the young woman is... showing her knees... den sexy knees. Given that ST:TNG has plenty of on screen and off screen evidence to support a strong gay agenda, despite the censorship of the era, I can not escape the conclusion that the costumes were picked for the pleasure of Gay men (not necessarily viewers). And no: Stripping down the girl to match the adult outfits of the boys would not make it better... just more obvious.
You can thank Brian Singer's court case for bringing this to the forefront of my mind for this review (on that note: I don't think Mssr. Singer acted appropriately, but I also don't think a straight 'rape' charge quite fits the narrative. And yes, I've read the narrative, the charges against him. I'm sorry, but all gay parties, naked young men wandering the grounds, climbing out of pools to be admired, and then being 'forced' to have sex with their patrons? No, that sounds like a hooker trying to pretend otherwise to me. However, and this is a massive however: The age of the victim eliminates any possible grounds for consent, and by a wide enough margin in the earliest cases to give Roman Polanski a run for his money in the 'Everyone likes 'em young' creeper award.)
So, where was I? Oh, yeah: Space Jesus and the two gay bait boys and their beard. So Space Jesus runs off with them while the adults look on indulgently, then Girl Edo promises Riker an orgy. Ok, no: she says its time to meet new friends.
Cut two two reasonably fit men in the ridiculous mankinis (seriously: Short shorts would have worked, swear), playing harp like instruments. Either one would have been better than Guy Edo, but maybe they can't act for shit either. As the camera pulls back we see a couple of Edo couples doing some stupid alien dance. The guy Edo seem roughly split between male muscle models and gormless formless dudes, hired I guess for blonde hair. Every Edo Girl, however is straight up fine. There is lots of butt cheek on display, some dude getting an oily massage from two girls, two girls dancing the same weird alien dance... this is, it turns out, the Edo equivalent to a government office building. Well, it seems much less wasteful and more useful than what we've got now, so... good job!
And the entire reason for coming here was to.... apparently??? Get led off to play? So Girl Edo didn't actually want to play, but Edo Culture doesn't permit one to express that sentiment, so you stall until you can find new partners? That's sort of what it looks like. Girl and Guy Edo let all the Away team be led away by others while they watch, and no discussion of anything was had by anyone.
Cue Data walking on the bridge, presumably to talk about Anomalies. Yup. He takes his seat and says 'totes not a glitch, bro', and Laforge, who apparently managed to do his part from his Conn station starts talking about shadows and in-and-out burgers... I mean in-and-out of our dimension, in the finest tradition of useless technobabble.
So... what the fuck was Worf doing when he was on the bridge and they were chasing Edo fannies?
Anyway: Picard, ever the slow one, wants to know what it is. You know, because they only told him what they had figured out. So, for the first time in the many, many hours they've known about this anomaly they center the main view screen on it... and see nothing. Data, for no reason at all, assumes its both sentient and listening to subspace radio, and addresses it directly and POOF, the plot complication show up... sort of.
It doesn't look like much, a bit grayish donut and some rectangles that are all out of focus and sort of transparent.
Cue Commercial.
So I love how everyone sort of over reacts here. The Red Alert goes off, LaForge starts running through battle station drills (Sheilds and deflectors at full strength, yadda yadda...)... like they're shocked.
I mean, I guess its a little surprising, but they've only known about the damn thing for a while, they've got trickles of information on it, and when the ask it to show itself, it does. I mean: If it looked like a Romulan warbird, or some sort of warship in a hostile posture or something, they'd be fine, but if it looks like anything at all it looks like a space station... which sort of makes the Federation look like the assholes, doesn't it?
Stray thought: So the Edo are a pastoral and primitive people, say roughly twentieth century technology with a much lighter industrial infrastructure (since their primary means of recreation is sex, so no TV or radio, right?)... so where is the Prime Directive? Aren't they violating it simply by showing up? I mean, in the infamous Racist episode (which, honestly? not that racist.) they worried about the PD for a world that had Transporter technology! We're not entirely sure the Edo have electricity!
Mind you, the anomaly actually responded to their hails... its the Federations problem that they couldn't understand it. Also, Picard totally sends LaForge to look out a window at the thing. That means LaForge's VISOR (it is an acronym for some idiot reason) is actually more powerful than the ship's sensors. Think about that for a good long minute. If you don't see the problem with that, well, you're beyond my help.
So, random geek crewman gives us a stupidly pointless update. He's stuttering and stammering with disbelief 'my sensors read that its only half there! and it looks transparent!"
Hmm... didn't LaForge already tell us it was an In-and-Out burger? And, you know, there is a big expensive FX graphic on screen showing it is... well... transparent! This padding is massively redundant and detrimental to the episode as it sucks up valuable time that is better used elsewhere. Somewhat like sending LaForge to look out a window... which is only marginally less stupid than needing the awesome power of his visor to compliment the ship's sensors.
Picard, lost with the mystery of it all, demands Data tell him what it is. Data doesn't answer, cut to LaForge reaching his assigned Window on some random deck. LaForge piles on the redundancy. I half expect him to go 'Whoa', but he calls the bridge, says something about complete spectral analysis, then says 'like its not really there'. So, that makes... three times? Also, LaForge repeats the concept of 'I've never seen something like this before'.
Now, I've heard of the trope of repeating something important in a film at least three times, for the stupid members of the audience, but this is frankly ridiculous.
Fuck it: The Visor stupidity: Look, leaving aside the fact that a ship's sensor suite is much larger and can fit more sensors, more powerful sensors and more varied sensors in it than any hand held or worn device ever could, the real problem I have with this is that the VISOR is a god damn piece of technology, a machine, just like Data. And, just like Data, the writers treat it like some sort of organic, but special, thing. Data gets drunk on space water sex. LaForge's vision is, like organic vision, something 'better' than a machine can match, despite being entirely created by a machine. It is technology, and technology can be replicated, endlessly. If there is some special sensor in LaForge's VISOR that would be useful for a starship to have (or, for that matter a Ship's Away Team), there is a device somewhere that provides it... other than LaForge's eyes. Data, in all probability should not have inferior optics to LaForge (as established in Farpoint). Thats not to say it is impossible, but upon seeing how useful LaForge's wider spectrum (or whatever) is as a star fleet officer, Data can entirely remove an eye and fucking upgrade it, repeat for second eye. Because they are both machines.
End rant.
Once LaForge is done with his pointlessly redundant and terribly non-technical exposition dump, Data reveals the translated message is 'Stand By'. On cue our Random Stammering Geek notices something coming from the anomaly. This is a long sequence where Picard keeps looking back and forth, utterly lost and confused, until he finally points out that all his much smarter, highly trained subordinates can't find their asses with both hands, because they keep reporting 'something, whatever, I have no idea' and so forth. Ironically, his lack of intellectual depth makes him the smartest man in the room. Love it.
Anyway: Glowing Orb of sparkles stops about a foot from Picard's face (and I notice with some rage that Data puts on an expression of something akin to fear in this scene. Really? Emotionless robot too hard for you to play, Spiner? You, and Q, between you carried this fucking show and this is what I get?). I like how direct the anomaly is. Stand by. State the purpose. Not big on wasted word.
Of course, I'm less enthusiastic about a voice from a small glowing orb of nothing that is loud enough to shake an entire starship (without causing bleeding from the ears and utter deafness for the bridge crew, among other problems (liquifying their organs comes to mind... sonic waves of that magnitude would be lethal at that range!).
Luckily it appears that the Orb was merely being efficient, as it shakes the ship separate from talking later in the scene. It asks the purpose of 'what you have done'... which at this point merely seems to be having noticed the anomaly in the first place. Picard tries to go for the introduction route, which seems to offend the orb, who doesn't waste time with that shit. Now it wants to know the purpose of the visit. The Orb knows a lot of shit, and Picard's answers are...
Look: Lets just cut it short and say that this episode is poorly written. The concept, the plot if you will, is high minded, but the execution, especially on board the ship, is just shoddy. The Federation set up a colony nearby and has discovered intelligent, humanlike life. Of COURSE they'll want to send more permanent representatives later, but Picard flat out denies this.
Data has to explain to Picard that the Orb is asking about the colony they just set up, so point to my theory of intellectual deficiency. Then Picard, who by now should be used to defending Humanity to powerful and nigh incomprehensible aliens, stammers through the worlds worst description of why humans settle on colonies. Ye gods.
So the Orb breaks character here and basically tells Picard not to interfere with its children, then approaches Data. Data says its asking him if he's built for information exchange, and apparently Dr Singh played the fucking lotto like a champ, because Picard doesn't ask 'well are you?" he just orders Data to exchange...data.
Nothing like skipping the system's compatibility check before plugging the alien thumb drive into your hardware, right? This knocks Data out as the Trumpets of Doom play very, very loudly.
And we're back on the planet with Space Jesus. Of course we are. Now that the stakes have been set by the anomaly (which has never actually demonstrated any real power other than sending talking orbs through space and being an In-and-Out joint...), we can at last advance the Plot. So one half naked boy walks on his hands. Space Jesus meets that challenge with some shitty cartwheels and the girl makes a pass at him, clearly impressed with his singular lack of athletic ability (a rarity on her world, after all). Space Jesus shoots himself in the foot by admitting he is immaculate, and she claims she just wanted to learn to ball... i mean, play ball. I'm pretty sure the actress (Judith Jones) is older than Wil Wheaton, as in 'maybe old enough', though I'd card her just the same. And Space Jesus is relieved to be off the sexy time hook. Also: why the fuck is he shouting everything? Ok, not shouting, but 'Projecting forcefully'.
Anyway, there is a very long 'grok' bit, where Space Jesus attempts to explain the concept of a bat to the Edo. This only makes sense in a context where there aren't magic, perfect translators, where the Edo, or the Federation, learned the other's language and are using it to communicate.... specifically that Every Single Edo that meets with the Federation had learned the Star Fleet Lingua Franca and is using it nearly flawlessly except for very rare exceptions of modestly esoteric concepts like 'bats'.
Seriously: how are they all talking to one another, and yet also having to explain a 'bat'. Not, you know, a 'baseball bat' or a 'cricket bat', just a plain 'bat'. Anyway, this leads to everyone running to the Gardens for a stick, meaning they set this scene in the wrong damn place for their plot. Or... padding? This episode does not need padding, and I'm not saying that because I like the costumes.
Ah, yes: Tension ratcheting scene: we're back to Riker, who is watching the Edo play, moseying around the chamber, talking to people. Worf clearly doesn't grasp the concept of shore leave, which, you know, I'm fine with I guess. Riker seems way too interested in Worf's sex life, which I guess is to establish Klingons are badasses about everything? I note that Worf makes a better Data than Data does, again.
Riker calls the ship. Nothing happens, because Aliens.
See: Riker usually manages to play his military role right, at least in dialog terms. I wonder why he, and he alone, seems to get that consideration from the writers. Having lost contact with the ship his first concern is to get all his people together, just in case. It seems like a realistic call. Worf, asking if Space Jesus (the boy, he says) is exempt makes less sense. its a TV-ism. Riker didn't call for a staff meeting to discuss plans for the prom, he wants command and control over his people in case there is an emergency brewing. Why the fuck would you exempt 'the boy'? Troi moseys over to take part in the exposition/speculation. Then Riker characterizes Space Jesus as having 'wandered off', which is about as accurate as saying that this blog is... damn, I can't get that metaphor to work. Space Jesus is doing exactly what he was told to do, m'kay?
But Riker ignores Yar, so once he and Troi wander off, Worf goes over to keep this plot train rolling. Yar is capitalizing the attentions of Guy and Girl Edo, which could totally mean something kinky but really just means we are, at last, going to get the big nasty plot twist exposition from the Edo. Yar, whose job it was to research Edo's legal system (recall) is just now actually talking to the Edo. Again we have a useless Grok moment over the word police, and the Edo reveal the existence of the Punishment Zone.
Ok...
Let me say this: the Edo Legal System is retarded. We're talking the 'full Retard, no Oscar for you' retarded.
I'm not talking about the on the spot mandatory executions. Thats fine if a little extreme. The entire system was handed down from In-and-Out burger because the Edo were chaotic little anarchists or something, so their legal code was made super harsh to weed out the malignant. Fine so far.
But ALL of their laws are concentrated in one tiny little area that moves randomly each day. Outside the punishment zone, by definition, NOTHING IS ILLEGAL!
So, how exactly does this stop crime? Well, I mean beyond the obvious fact that in a world where nothing is illegal, nothing can be criminal. Did anyone actually THINK about this system?
No, because they are fucking hacks.
But, you know, the Edo think this is wisdom. Sure, why not?
This isn't a solution to rampant criminality, its a solution to a rampant police state, allowing them to retain absolute authority, but so ridiculously constrained, geographically, as to be indistinguishable from powerlessness.
I am untrained in formal logic. I mean: I understand formal logic, I'm familiar with the structure and roots of formal logic, but I have never sat down and academically studied it so that I can make flawless logical constructions. Still, even to my purely amateur eyes, what the Edo say next is so far from Logic as to attain a state of Anti-logic, which destroys true logic on contact.
Lets see if I can assemble the tattered threads and force them into the shape of a formal logic chain. I mean, it will be worthless, except to demonstrate what they just said.
1: A punishment zone is the only place people can commit crimes, punishable by death.
2: Punishment zones move randomly each day, so no one knows where they will be,
3: thus, no one risks death by committing crimes in the punishment zone!
I...
Ow...
If I squint really, really REALLY hard I can almost make out a way to make that work. See, for example: if no one knows were the punishment zone currently is, no one commits a crime wherever they are, just in case they happen to be in a punishment zone. This is functionally indistinguishable from how current criminal policing works, except for the on the spot executions, in that you never know if you are being watched at that very moment... and it would deter crime about as well... but at least it IS a system.
What the Edo describe... is not that.
No, no: The punishment zones are clearly marked, so everyone knows where they are, they just don't know where they will be later. But since it only matters where they are when you do something wrong, that's not really a feature or a bug, it just is. It has zero affect on criminal planning except that our theoretical criminals would undoubtedly push their plans back if the target of their plans wound up being randomly selected the day they chose to commit crime.
But since Riker and Yar and the others are NOT in a punishment zone, currently, they could in fact (not theory) butcher every Edo in the room and suffer exactly zero consequences for it under Edo law. Because: Not a punishment zone.
The reason that this is all anti-logic is that none of the three statements, taken nearly verbatim from the show, are really related in any way. To adopt the traditional example of formal logic:
Men are mortal
Socrates is a cow.
Thus Plato is a whore.
Ugh. I've wasted far too much time on this. I'm gonna skip ahead a bit.
So Space Jesus is playing ball in the gardens and someone throws the fucking thing at the clearly marked flower beds of 'we will kill your dumb ass'. Despite last minute warnings, Space Jesus runs and trips with all the athletic grace we've come to expect from him so far (none at all), right into the flower boxes. The trail of his destruction is frankly somewhat impressive. I mean: I've seen a bunch of people trip and fall into stuff before and I've NEVER seen anyone do quite that much damage in the process... and it doesn't even really appear to be an FX, like Wil Wheaton really did just bodily throw himself through some flimsy flower boxes and leave a six foot wide trail of wrack and ruin behind him in the process. Space Jesus is an inspiration to us all, clearly.
Anyway, the other kids run up, horrified and apologetic, and a dude in somewhat less comfortable Edo underwear shows up and gets all just the facts. Space Jesus can tell no lies and totally volunteers to take his lumps, clearly oblivious to the fact that 'his lumps' means 'we kill your dumb ass, right the fuck now.'. Well, at least thats nominally in character, though Space Jesus is usually the perfectly perceptive one.
Before that can happen, everyone else shows up and Yar judo flips the fuck out of the Edo Cop, taking his poison away from him.
No, wait. That doesn't happen. Riker just body slams a bitch and Yar just picks the poison up from the grass. Way to defy expectations, Yar. I mean your one fucking job on this ship (aside from having an ass for days) is to judo flip motherfuckers into the next episode. Why did Riker have to step up this time? For that matter...what for Worf? This was our chance to see the mighty Klingon NOT get his ass kicked to demonstrate how bad ass the bad guy is for once! I mean, for all their grim murderousness, the Edo Cops were recruited from Angel City in Demolition Man (or whatever they called Future LA).
There is an awesome moment where the Edo Cop, admitting he was about to kill the fuck out of Space Jesus gets all sympathetic because RIKER frightened him. He's all "look what you done, man. Space Jesus was all set to die peacefully and you went and terrified the poor lad."
Love it.
To be honest, Edo Cop is just about the only male Edo we've met that I like. I guess he was too old to be 'sexy mankini Edo', so they made him Cop Edo, or something.
The second Edo Cop, still lying on the grass makes a point about Punishment Zones that just...
Okay, so apparently a Punishment Zone only lasts for one trespass. So, once Space Jesus made himself a massive legal headache for Picard, the Edo Cops just... wiped it. Otherwise Riker and company would be on the hook for a sweet dose of DEATH!
No, seriously. Assaulting an Edo Cop in the pursuit of his duty is only a crime if it happens in an unspoiled punishment zone. This isn't even speculation, he straight up says it. Mind you, not one of them has actually crossed the borders of the zone, except for Space Jesus in his rampage of flowery carnage, so he's actually wrong based one what we were told earlier about the zones (white barriers mark the edges of the zone), but he just got choke-slammed by Riker, so I'll give him a pass on the finer points of Edo Law, this time.
Edo Cop totally points out that friends don't body slam friends, and Riker ignores him to make another futile orbital call, Cut to Enterprise in space.
So, Data is still out with a ball on his head. Picard, bereft of his usual team of advisors called the doctor instead of an engineer to check to see if Data is okay. Doc, caught up in the rush of young love, doesn't endanger this rare moment to be close to her one true love, and dutifully checks out the robot with her medical devices. Again: Android does not mean alien. Still, I suppose her scanners would still give her meaningful readings, and with some practice she might manage a nice analog to her medical training, but its just... well... back asswards. Just what we expect from Picard, I suppose.
There is more redundancy, as Picard reveals that, yup, they can't talk to the Away team. No, really? I thought you were just ignoring them for the hell of it!
Still, since the Camera is on the bridge now, Data can be released from his data exchange and the ball flies away. With it goes the interference with communications. Really? Well, that was pointless then.
So Picard beams down. He asks Troi to advise him in private, and she says 'no need, these people are stupidly honest.' Really the right answer to that is 'yeah, great. I still don't want them to hear what you and I say.' or something like that, but that might be tantamount to admitting that Picard... lies.
I mean, he lies. Almost every episode where they interact with strangers he lies or bluffs or pulls some trick, with all the flare of a stage magician, he lies. So what? But we have to pretend like he is lily white and perfectly honest? Um... ok, I guess.
We only respect cunning anymore when the cunning man proclaims how honest he is, that is the rule, and its a stupid one.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. That was just a TV formality so that Picard didn't walk straight into conference with Girl And Guy Edo. There is some amusing stage managing, and exposition dumps that reveal that Riker let the Edo hold onto Space Jesus with their super-solemn promise not to just finish executing him quietly. Girl Edo sells a painfully earnest desire to be trusted, while accusing Picard of not respecting laws. The dialog is nonsense, mostly. High minded sounding blather, but the actress is doing a good job with it, much better than her cohort.
Her closing statement says basically that 'sometimes our laws bring us sadness, but they...'
Odd sentiment. Am I wrong in thinking a properly functioning legal system should only bring sadness to people who actually have criminal intents? This is to separate, naturally, criminal law from contract law. I mean: A criminal law that punishes me (makes me sad) for some burdensome requirement to... say... keep my hair cut short is, on the face of it, unjust. Complaining that I'm being punished for committing murder however, is irrelevant, as I brought that sadness on myself by doing harm.
Edo's legal system however, dispenses 'sadness' on the lottery system and, as I demonstrated at length earlier, does less than nothing to prevent crime, so only the Edo's forcible Uplifting by In-and-Out in their distant past gives them a peaceful, law abiding society.
Picard, following his usual tactic immediately assures the Edo that Humans are a bad, bad people, but we've gotten all better now. Shockingly this doesn't dishearten the Edo at all. On the other hand, it does manage to insult the Edo by pointing out that executing criminals is considered backwards and primitive.
Guy Edo earns his acting paycheck here. He totally gives Picard an out, telling them to take the Weasley-Boy (his words for Space Jesus) with his superior power, his advanced nature, and leave their primitive people behind. I kind of want to point out that the Edo aren't less advanced than the Federation because they execute 'criminals' (though I do want to beat them savagely for their notion of logic), they are less advanced because they are overgrown, libidinous children, pets of a distant and angry god.
Picard, being a big dummy, can't take that offer. He brings up the Prime Directive, then asks the question that we must assume was asked before: Are they planning to kill Space Jesus at this moment?
Um... no, dummy. Otherwise Riker would have kept custody. Thats sort of how that sort of thing works. They confer and say they must act by sundown, which I guess is supposed to put some sort of time based tension into the story but it fails miserably, not least of which because we have no idea what time it is.
Also: their words indicate this isn't really a choice, its not an arbitrary selection. Delaying the execution is already an unprecedented event, so this can't be governed by, well, precedent... so this implies some sort of Word of God or other external element... which is promptly forgotten.
Picard then starts chasing the In-and-Out Burger rabbit trail, entirely leaving Space Jesus out of it. This leads to baldly placed exposition about God that I am far, far too tired to dissect without some encouragement or bribery.
None? Okay, we'll skip ahead then.
Doc calls to let him know Data is up and feeling chatty, Troi whispers 'Weasley', and Picard admits to stalling so he can address her personally. Dude, not the time to chase those panties.
And a pointless repeat of the toothless Sundown promise, and finally Picard asks one of them to go with him to the ship. Girl Edo offers herself as a hostage, which inspires me to make note of it... but then again I'm too tired to comment regarding feminism and chivalry and message TV, none of which probably applies, since she really is the much more compelling actor of the two for any number of reasons.
Picard, of course, explains that he's not taking a hostage. Still, one has to wonder why the Edo leap on the idea of hostages so quickly for a peaceful and law abiding race?
They really have no idea what to do with Troi, do they? First is her utterly useless empathic observations, which have yet to go deeper than a cursory, non-empathic evaluation of naked personality traits. Now, when Picard returns to the ship he takes Troi for some reason, and just before transport, Girl Edo says 'I'm Frightened',and Troi spits out the useless 'No reason to be', which has never in the history of fear comforted someone afraid. I may have exaggerated that.
On ship, walking down a hall, Edo Girl shows no sign of fear, being more interested in the 'city'. Doc shows up talking about some away team report and wanting to know about Space Jesus. Picard literally brushes her off.
Point of order: Picard avoided telling Doc about Space Jesus so he could attend the matter personally, and with one assumes some reassuring diplomacy or something. Now that he's aboard she learns of it from some report (from the still away, away team. So... gossip? Tabloid leaks? What the fuck is this?) and Picard seems to think her concern is somewhat less interesting than what Girl Edo thinks of his carpets.
Tonal shift much?
Naturally this leads Picard into the lion's den. I'll repeat my thesis: Picard is actually stupid.
So he blows of Doc to follow a stray line of conversation from Girl Edo, leading to Girl Edo asking him why he doesn't just use all his power to take Space Jesus and leave. Now, leaving aside the fact that this was addressed on the surface already, Picard is forced to confront the fact that he now has Doc giving him 'yeah, why don't you?" looks, which means his brilliant plan of brushing her off has backfired.
Because he is an idiot.
And, like an idiot, he can't answer either woman, so he changes the subject to looking out the window. Girl Edo really wants to see her world, because the Edo really are children. Picard says some vague stuff about how important this thing (In-and-Out) is to him and to the Edo... which is pure, unfounded, assumptions. So far In-and-Out has been content to hang out in space, or partially in space, and has communicated freely, if brusquely and imperiously with the Enterprise, and.... nothing else. Not one damn thing. The only action it ever took was sending a talking orb to the Enterprise, that is it.
Anyway, the moment Girl Edo steps in the lounge and sees In-and-Out, she makes the smoothest frame setting movement she can and falls into genuflection. I mean, she's deep in the mass of actors crammed in the doorway when she is supposed to look out the window, so she has to make two strong steps to get to the open patch of floor where I assume her mark is to kneel. There is nothing for it, the shot is just blocked out that way, but she does a good job making it look natural. I mean, she has to genuflect the moment she sees it, but she's a good four feet from her mark... you still think she knelt as soon as she saw In-and-Out.
Picard, of course, is a dick. Take the poor primitive savage child to meet her God (though he did warn her that was his plan) just so you can ask her if its God... like a police line up of monstrous proportions. Also: For an Empath, Troi is a dick. Clearly the girl is terrified and Troi is just going 'so, bitch, like... is it god or not?', like its no big thing. Worst Empath Ever.
Also: Worst Plan Ever.
In-and-Out pretty clearly told the Enterprise to leave his children alone, not to interfere. He said nothing about canceling shore leaves or heading for the hills, so this wasn't some generic 'you ain't welcome 'round these parts' sort of warning. Picard, merely to satisfy his curiosity, pretty much just ignores that and brings up the girl like its no big deal, scares the piss out of her and interrogates her on the spot.
Naturally In-and-Out takes exception to this and shakes the Enterprise and gets all up in their grill. Like I said, he is refreshingly direct too... all Return My Child. Thats it, nothing more, no threats or discussion just... return my child. He knows what he wants, and now you know what he wants. I like him.
Anyway: Drama! In-and-Out is, apparently, planning to ram the Enterprise to make his case, which begs all sorts of questions. Even Doc forgets about her son in the heat of the moment. Picard calls the transporter room, slapping his communicator badge on Girl Edo, while Troi (poor Marina Sirtis...) say 'yes, do that.'. and they transport Girl Edo back to the surface just in the nick of time! Because... Drama.
So, having brushed of Doc once, he continues to ignore her pressing issue to go see Data. In the hall Doc confronts Picard. I dunno, I think McFadden was struggling to find the right note of histrionics to sell it and didn't quite get it right. Its a bit stiff, which works for the scene, and Stewart handles his side of the conversation well... but then the writer rears his ugly head and there is the horrifically brick-tastic line about how Data is here in sickbay and can talk now. Its like if a line of exposition had to, somehow on a meta level, give its own line of exposition... like exposition squared, almost as if the set directions in the script were being read instead of dialog. If she'd said 'Exit Stage left' it would have sounded more natural.
So, Spiner does what he does best, and that's deliver exposition of technobabble that doesn't feel like being pelted by bricks. Its still obnoxious and repetitive, but at least it expands and unpacks the redundant crap we've been getting, so its not just another repeat. However, for some reason Data looks like ass in this scene, all forehead wrinkles and slouchy posture and stuff, even his Onesie seems too big for him at times.
Anyway: Then Data says something stupid. "It was probably unwise of us to settle colonists in this cluster'... because of In-and-Out, something they had no knowledge of prior to taking shore leave here.
Now, its not like people haven't used hindsight observations to same similar shit in real life, but it feels particularly idiotic in this case, and coming from the android. Compounding this is the simple fact that In-and-Out hasn't beaten around the bush yet when it comes to his feelings about shit, and he didn't complain at all about the colony, he just asked for more information. We can suppose that Data got a more detailed list of complaints in his coma, but he offers this insight as conjecture, not as fact.
Lets recap: In-and-Out has no weapons as we understand them, because 'Ramming' was their attack of choice. They make simple, unmistakable demands for what they want, 'Return my Child', and the extent of their hostility appears to be possibly accidental comm jamming while downloading data into Data... and they can somehow cause the Enterprise to shake.
So we have an unstated assumption, from the Author, that the Enterprise is in a bad way because In-and-Out must be more powerful. We have a stated assumption, from the author but stated via Data, that the colony in the cluster will have to be removed because.... reasons?
Bah.
Oh, I forgot: This is the episode where Data learns he babbles. Well, there is that. The interaction between the two is quite fun. Picard is obsessed with the idea that In-and-Out is judging him, possibly because 'Q', I guess, despite Data more or less assuring him that it just ain't so.
In other words, Picard is actively working to make this mess bigger, ignoring every out. In-and-Out doesn't expect you to abide by their rules for the Edo? And the Edo expect you to take the boy and leave? Great... lets... not do that. In fact, lets convince In-and-Out to actively interfere!
I'd like to move on, but Data says something extraordinary which will never again be referenced in the show in any way. He says, and I quote "They know everything that I know", which means that Picard just ordered/Allowed Data to become the single greatest security breach in the history of the Federation. I'm going to guess he didn't put that in the Captain's Log. He probably doesn't even think to have the ship's security codes changed after that revalation. Simply... astounding.
Anyway: Having finally found a way to look at it so that In-and-Out might be judging him, Picard is at last content. Doc, on the other hand, is outraged that he's worked so hard to find a way to be judged based on the Prime Directive. She 'will not allow' Space Jesus to be sacrificed before his time, though this is a hollow and empty threat.
Point of order: I know that I've mistakenly used the superior (but still trite and stupid) old school Prime Directive in previous reviews, instead of the new, revised and extra-strength stupid Prime Directive of TNG (the one that prevents the Federation from even accidentally influencing any species, even one that is, in fact, more advanced than the Federation? Theoretically...). By any standard, just chilling with the Edo is a violation of the Prime Directive, while snatching Space Jesus and bugging out would not be or, at least, would not be more so. This is some sort of ad hoc use of the Prime Directive, following some unwritten code that any Federation legal matter must somehow relate back to the Prime Directive... which might be best named 'The Only Directive'.
I swear: The PD must be some sort of sadistic 'Kyobiashi Maru' sort of test for flag officers, so badly and comprehensively written that you will, at some point in your career, be forced to obey the directive and kill one of your crew, or break it. One assumes based on Picards continuing career, that breaking, bending and twisting the rule all to hell and back is actually the winning, accepted strategy, while letting Space Jesus (or Tasha Yar) take a faceful of poison in the name of the PD is the career destroyer. On the other hand, he never does make Admiral, does he? Hell, Janeway makes Admiral before Picard does, and she is the objectively worst captain in Starfleet!
Where was I?
So, Captain's Log:
Picard in some sort of lounge, enjoying being under his self imposed bell jar. A spot of ethical, moral debate with Data, allowing more 'speculative' exposition dumping regarding In-and-Out, and Doc stiffly discharging her duty, so she can be with Space Jesus in his final hours. Picard makes a high minded statement about not allowing arithmetic to determine his moral calculus regarding sacrificing a thousand lives to save one, and the panty moisturing promise to not let any cost prevent him from saving Space Jesus... while the violins of emotional heartstrings play.
Picard, continuing his unbroken string of truly baffling decisions puts Data in command of the Enterprise. Data, the guy who was just mind linked for an hour or so to a vast and incomprehensible multidimensional alien intelligence that you are currently worried might destroy you utterly for stopping Space Jesus from dying for your sins?
Ok.
Anyway: after some minor stage managing from Riker, Picard arrives and Girl Ed comes over and genuflects, logically (OMG!!!) reasoning that if you hang out with God in the sky, you too must be a God. This is only a hint of TNG at its future best, a dry run of Picard having to deal with worshipful women. Since it is only a dry run it is a bit less satisfying than the similar moments in later seasons, but the stage is set.
Space Jesus is brought out along with Edo Cops. Space Jesus almost immediately makes the plea to be saved, which is... well, pointless. There is no growth here, no facing of the difficult or inevitable. He shows no comprehension of the difficulty, the moral and ethical difficulty, that he has put the captain to. That's fine for an ordinary young man, I suppose, but he is, god forgive me, a heroic character. We expect more, and if he fails, we expect something to come from that failure. But this is feet of clay, and while it is an unfortunate fact of life in real life heroes, in literary heroes... in fictive heroes, that is simply inexcusably bad writing.
So, we have a very slow paced and low tension drama. The Edo get the best lines, really. The threat to the stability of their culture is real for them, something they have to live with after Picard leaves... and now we also know that its not just tradition, but God who keeps the Law.
Picard, clearly not grasping how silly the Edo legal system is, praises it in response to their desperate pleas not to destroy their laws. Just have to remind you that my thesis is right.
Anyway: Picard concedes that he is breaking the law, and the Edo Cop points out that God may execute him, and Picard just shrugs that he's willing to kill everyone he knows to make a bad point.
Then Space Jesus grasps the magnitude of events and says a couple of lines that would lead him on the path of actually making the Heroic choice, the growth he failed to show later. But Picard tells him no, Space Jesus protests that it really is his choice, and then...
Nothing.
No, literally: Weasley gives us the clear opening lines of 'wait? You guys are going to risk your lives to save me? I can't have that."
Picard says "You don't get a vote, boy."
Weasley says, "Um... its my life, so I'd say that, yah, I got a vote."
And... the dialog ends there. Picard just says 'six to beam up' and 'come over here, Weasley' and thats the end of it. Is this writing? Editing? Who chopped the dialog in half? Did Weasley just take a stand for following orders meekly??? Dafuq!?
Guy Edo points out that their laws are being violated, but that's just set up to ask about Justice.
And someone felt Yar wasn't getting enough screen time this episode so she responds 'what about justice for weasley?'... which is, I hate to say it something like asking for justice for hitler at this point, or Ted Bundy. Its not personal anima against Space Jesus, but their stance on the law is pretty fucking clear, making Space Jesus a vile criminal for not submitting to his punishment, above and beyond the punishment he earned by breaking flower boxes. He is the worst criminal they've ever had.
And Tonal Shift!
Because they totally don't beam out, just everyone standing there looking like chumps. Which is funny, though I think that's accidental in this one case.
Edo Cop just loves that, and why wouldn't he? He's right, so far as the Edo are concerned. God has spoken, Space Jesus dies.
Anyway: this is all set up for Picard, that is to say Patrick Stewart, to step forward and loudly proclaim the moral of the story, that Justice is never absolute, that life is based on exception, and Riker says something about justice never being just a rulebook...
And then a really obvious post-production shot of the away team standing on the set under grossly different lighting, beaming out as they sort of gloat at having debated God to a standstill.
It sounds good. I mean, it sounds sort of reasonable. We do draw distinctions between Justice and Law all the time. On the other hand, Justice is Blind. I don't know. Its... hollow, forced... maybe even facile. If I want to attack the premise, the moral of the tale, I think I'd need a whole post just to do it justice, rather than tacking it to the end of an overly long review. Short form? Exceptions to the law tend to be the result of injustice, not in the creation of Justice, and the law works best in absolutes.
Anyway: the entire away team, doc and space jesus included, file onto the bridge. Picard just offers up as sacrifice the colony on the nearby world if In-and-Out wishes, but In-and-Out just fades from view without a word. Riker more or less repeats my opinion on In-and-Out's communication style verbatim, and Picard complains that he didn't get to pick their brains more.
So, in summation:
The acting and the visuals of the episode, in the main, are well done with a few glaring errors. Giving us a pleasure world like this, so early in the show's run, was naked pandering that was obvious even to my much younger self. We can see the germ seed of brilliant ideas in the concept, and in smaller scenes through the episode...
But the writing is the very worst of the season so far, and I found myself noticing the framing and set direction far too often. As to the writing: you have chunky brick dialog, heavy repetition of basic, easily graspable facts and scattershot, disorganized presentation. Several characters interject rudely into dialog as if the writer suddenly remembered they were in the scene and needed something to do. The writer's grasp of basic technology is rudimentary at best.
Pacing wise: There are long moments of padding, particularly the redundant repetition dialog and unnecessary moving of characters around to different sets, to drag the episode out, yet at the end, when the captain must plead for his crewman's life... they don't have time to do more than make a single, mostly unreasoned, statement about the justice of exceptionalism. Instead of padding, compress the episode to make more room for the passioned arguments of both sides.
In short: watch it like soft core porn, or for the acting, or because you are a completist, but make no mistake, this is a shoddy episode.
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