Captain's Log: Something about a lost freighter, escape pods, and the World of Angel One.
We learn its a matriarchy, though the exact word does no appear for some reason (foul!), like every other non-federation 'human' world its described as 'late 20th century technology', though it clearly isn't, and that its been 60 years since the Fed showed up and snooped around. Picard hands off captaining duties, at least as far as Angel One is concerned, to Troi.
The Locals are not pleased to hear from the Federation, especially after they hear why.
Title and...
Cut to Troi, Riker, Yar and Data kneeling on the floor in a room with women and really femme dudes, apparently the protocols for meeting the head of a matriarchal society are fairly brutal. Troi does most of the talking, but Riker can't keep his yap shut, which only earns a few exasperated looks from the locals (thankfully...). Its not entirely clear why Picard sent Riker, since Riker is supposed to play second fiddle to Troi but clearly can't... making him a diplomatic disaster just waiting in the wings. Data I get. He doesn't have any pride to be pricked, so to speak, and Troi and Yar are obvious choices (Doc would be a good one too by this logic).
Six minutes into the episode and I have yet to hear a single negative statement about the local society. I contrast with fake chauvinistic society in Code of Honor (that really wasn't, as women owned everything and had the real power, as the episode revealed as the major plot twist), which was sneered at and mocked by the characters savagely for its backwards primitivism in gender relations every which way.
There women were free and powerful, but Men had certain... attitudes.
Here? Women have the attitudes (clearly), and the men are slaves, or damn close to it. Not a peep.
Cathedral.
Anyway, when the ask bluntly if the survivors are on Angel One the head bitch (with awesome feathered 80's hair and shoulder pads) straight up answers by refusing to answer, ending the meeting. While it makes for decent television, in that it gives the audience reason to wonder as well as the characters, I do have to wonder how so many people rise to nominally democratic positions of power while not having the first clue how to lie diplomatically?
Anyway: in their quarters (one room, possibly suite, for four mixed gender adults? Progressive of them!), Yar totally Tricorders the fuck out of the room. Clearly Riker is looking forward to being the boss again, and once he gets the all clear from Yar (and really? Like, the Federation straight up lies about their society to Angel One? So, every time the Federation meets a new 'alien' race what have you they just totally go 'Oh, you like cannibalism too? Yeah, we're just like you! Besties!", and then briefs everyone to play along if they ever visit. Got it.
Or: While having Troi lead negotiations is a fine diplomatic move, to avoid ruffling local feathers at no cost, actively hiding the fact that Riker is in charge of the away team outside those negotiations is deceptive on a level that is pretty despicable.
Anyway: Its Troi's time to do that 'useless Psychic' routine she has patented. She says "Fear in that room' and Riker actually corrects her (with his non-psychic ability) to Paranoia, which I can't honestly say isn't more correct. Sad, useless Troi. Once Riker calls it Paranoia, she says "But their fear was not focused." Yeah, Paranoia, and then "they were all afraid for different reasons', which... ok, is slightly new information for once.
Do I think she isn't talking about any of the half dozen twee boyhimbos that littered the room? Yeah. Only the women on Angel One matter, even when investigating missing people.
So Yar chimes in, and the sound editor was asleep at the wheel. Data asks sensible but not really helpful question "What if they deny the existence of survivors?" Sensible because it seems possible, and not helpful because... well? What should Riker say?
So, I can almost forgive him for saying 'Lets not look for problems' in response. Weak sauce, Riker, but Data did put you on the spot.
Cut to Picard and Worf on the turbo lift. Picard wants Worf to prepare for a warp 6 run INTO the Neutral Zone. Why? Because Romalans, bitch... and the enterprise has been asked to support a border station.
So, Picard says something wrong. The Enterprise isn't going to go INTO the neutral zone, which is past the border posts, but only TO the neutral zone. Presumably, Worf has since figured out that Picard is a few eggs shy of a basket, which is why he asked for more information. Worf will probably set the course the way it should be set and quietly ignore the illegal wording of the orders he actually received.
Stepping off the Turbolift, Picard catches a snowball from Space Jesus and his skiing buddy from the Holodeck. Wait? That was this episode? Oh. So, yeah: Future Ski suits for holodeck skiing are props left over from Ziggy Stardust or something. Also: Why is Holo-snow actually cold? Is the sensation of sluicing down a hill on waxed boards somehow improved by the cold? I never thought so, but apparently Space Jesus does. Also: How does holo-snow exist off of the Holodeck to be used as a Snowball against Picard?
So Picard as Space Jesus report. Every time I watch this scene I half expect Picard to pull the 'boys will be boys' card and take the snowball in good humor somehow...like getting SJ to give him a strategic overview of the snowball fight and making the fight a homework assignment or something, but he never does. He just is an overbearing asshole. There is some business about smelling stuff with Worf that I actually hope isn't Plot Train.
Cut to Angel One: Hotel room. Troi is a dick to robots.
So, Data is playing with a bottle of perfume, which links back to Picard and Worf yammering about a smell on ship a moment ago. In the background Troi totally grins and taps Riker to say 'Watch this', as Data slowly but surely manages to spray himself in the face.
Since Yar and Troi are obviously quiet current on Perfume, it is inexplicable that Data doesn't know what the word means in this scene. Oh, sure, Yar gives the "Evolved human" business by saying "Certain Cultures", but since when has Yar been an expert on any cultures not involving Rape Gangs?
So, the Twee Midget interrupts our 'Fish out of Water' humor to signal the next scene, then precedes to use the perfume on himself, in case you missed all the subtle role reversal going on before.
Anyway: Riker still fails at diplomacy, but not as hard as before. The Mistress (thats her title. Told you this show was written by perverts) tells them there are four survivors, so that bit of question and answer earlier? Totally not relevant.
Side bar: The actress playing Mistress whatever (Berenzia? No, that was Mass Effect...), does a lot of weird head shaking. If it weren't for the fast cuts back to the crew for reaction shots it would totally drive me buggy. Like, OCD buggy, until I want to grab her head just to hold it still.
Ah, so all the survivors are men (Plot Twist!), and are... duh duh dun! In hiding. Because the women of Angel One seem like such nice and friendly people.
Yar asks why they are hiding, which seems like a reasonable question to ask, but the response is...
Because they are Fugitives!
Really? So, you buried that man on account he was dead, and you ate that food because you were hungry? Weird.
Anyway, since that is clearly not enough, this is our cue for a reasonably smooth exposition dump from Mistress. Seven years, open and friendly relations that turned sour, Natural order...
Wait, what was that last bit? Natural Order? Could this be a satirical take on Patriarchy? You don't say!
Troi does not call out this bit, but goes on about sensors. I am, of course curious as to how you will detect four humans hiding amongst millions of humans on your starship from orbit. I'm not going to suggest this is invalid, but like so much else Star Trek and Science! they actually have no clue, so they bluff and hope they won't have to technobabble their way out of it.
So Mistress warns them that the men are 'Dangerous'. Of course, when she explained why they were fugitives she never actually went into their crimes beyond 'unreasonable demands' and 'Violating the Natural Order', which hardly makes them sound dangerous at all. Cue the Strings of Plot Tension.
Cut to Sick Bay, where the usually sickly looking Space Jesus is coughing and looking more sickly than usual. While Doc informs the Captain that the real bit of business with the smell earlier was Space Jesus's congestion, a Uniform Skirt walks behind her. Doc med-babbles through the conversation, not at all concerned with people getting sick from the Holodeck, and Picard worries about his crew being sick while on mission as he rubs his neck in a way that lets us know that he is already sick.
Cut to cityscape of Angel One. I note it because this very high quality Matte Painting will apparently be recycled numerous times, for numerous worlds in coming episodes, perhaps being the most famous ST matte painting of all time, or something.
Framing for this scene is weird. The Camera focuses on a line of dark clad women standing stiffly, as if at attention, while the Twee Midget in front of them in his light colors and fidgety fidgets. Acceptable by itself, but the action is in the extreme foreground as Riker fake 'secret consults' with Data... you know, turning his back on the other characters, finger on his upper lip like he's hiding his mouth, only he speaks in a perfectly normal, Riker-loud, voice... and he's just asking Data how to fulfill Troi's offer of using the sensors, so nothing skullduggery at all.
Data makes some reasonable sounding nonsense about an element not common on Angel One that I don't feel like sciencing apart. Riker asks to use the library and is told its too complex for a man. Uh?
Lets accept for a moment that Mistress believes men are inferior to women, rather than just that its the cultural norm here. Regardless of that fact, Riker is a man with four centuries of technological expertise under his belt compared to her, which should surely offset any minor confusions inherent to his gender. Never mind that Data is pretty clearly not just 'a man'. Moving on.
We learn the Twee Midget is named Trent, and he will "see to the Android's Needs", which makes Trent look unhappy and Data look vaguely confused. So apparently, the Library will have to wait until after Data has taught Trent a thing or two about manhood, and had his needs seen too.
On the bridge, Worf calls the Captain from the Helm because the Away Team asked to use the ship's sensors to find Platnium. Sure, that's a decent element to look for I guess, heavy enough to be possibly missing from Angel One, and also heavy enough to not be filtered out of the body by the kidneys or via sweat glands. Still, seven years? Total cellular turnover is only ten.
That's not really my point. The Captain is clearly not on the bridge, and Worf and LaForge are exchanging 'looks' as the Captain talks. I'm more curious why Riker's request needs such heavy confirmation from the captain?
Angel One, night time. Troi hands Riker the local boyhimbo suit, saying it was delivered for him. I expected, foolishly, for Riker to protest about this sort of disrespectful treatment. Not that I expected a savage critique of the local culture's backward mores, but perhaps keeping the satire going.
Silly me: Riker does Diplomacy with his Dick. He ASKED for the outfit for his private meeting with the Mistress, and he goes on about respecting the local culture.
See? When it even merely looks as if men run the show (even if they really don't) the culture is backwards and savage and everyone fake lies to get through the basics of diplomacy. When women openly run the culture and men are literal slaves, then respecting the local culture is the right thing to do.
Cathedral.
Only Troi's prior claim on Riker is the issue here, a mere three episodes after she accused human hearts of being (still) to small and primitive to let her go off and boff some other dude she didn't even like.
Yar, in the background, just looks amused. Possibly because this means a night alone with Troi, as Data is apparently still with Trent, getting his Needs seen too.
But Yar has to stand with her co-gender here, and we learn that Riker really likes dressing up. He really enjoys mentioning the feathers. Not sure how to take that. On the other hand, Riker has no problem tossing that small heart thing back in Troi's face, though he deftly avoids hitting it too directly.
Troi puts on her bitch face and commiserates with Yar silently.
Cut to sick bay where Stewart is going Full Shakespear on being sick. That's okay, because Doc's Histrionics match his tone for tone. Clearly a little flu bug is grounds for removal of a captain, while possession by space alien isn't. From her tone of voice though, you'd think he'd come down with full blows Space Aids.
Once again, anything that distracts Picard keeps him from finishing any sentences that don't involve getting Doc out of her Onesie. In this case he can't seem to recall what comes after Battle in battlecruiser. Doc tells him to go to bed and he asks if it's an order, and she says yes. Hilarity!
No, actually I think it is funny that he feels some emotional need to confirm that it is an order. He's half relieved and half frustrated when she says yes.
On the bridge Worf and LaForge have some business about Klingon sneezes, when Picard zombies out to put Laforge in charge. Clearly he is most interested in making sure the log entries get done right, rather than making sure LaForge is ready to face down Romulans or retrieve the Away Team.
Because, really, that is all Picard does on board.
Anyway, LaForge is clearly enjoying what appears to be his first turn in the big chair, while Worf is rapidly getting Klingon Kongested. For some reason I'm flashing back to Naked Now, though in that Episode Worf was the only one to NOT get sick.
Cut to planetside, where Riker comes out in his Bohimbo suit as the girls laugh. Still no sign of Data.
Now, this was all Riker's idea, by script, but apparently Frakes must have lost his acting marbles. He is pretty graceless as he leaves the girls, and when complimented by Mistress, the cut to him shows he is seriously not happy to be wearing the Bohimbo suit.
Anyway: Trent is here so Data must be getting his needs seen to by some other bohimbo, or doing more teaching, either way, and there is another Angel One politico here, Mistress Ariel. She's a brunette, so no Under the Sea jokes, sadly. Ariel doesn't trust Riker, and given his attitude here I can see why. Luckily, Riker's diplomacy is in his pants, so it won't matter. The main Mistress dismisses everyone and keeps Riker for herself. Never bet against Riker's Diplomacy by Dick.
Apparently playing out that scene put Frakes back in a good mood, because the usual smug and smarmy Riker is back by the end of the scene and the bohimbo suit is forgotten.
So, back with the Girls Yar immediately starts prepping phasers, which makes it seem like Riker's call to her was code for "help, I'm being Raped!". Data is with them, so clearly his needs were seen too already, explaining Trent. They are going after the survivors, not Riker.
The lead survivor is... MacGuyver? He is clearly expecting them, and they respond to his friendly mug of beer with drawn phasers. Ahh... one day I will do a whole post on Star Fleet Security... one day.
Anyway: Captain's Cabin, Picard is trying to work at his desk instead of sleep, he staggers around an calls the bridge for a status update, which allows us to exposit that nothing has happened since the last scene, and we get Klingon Sneezes. The highlight of the scene comes after LaForge sends Worf to Sickbay and tries to respond to Engineering having problems. Worf gets a good moment as a character when he reminds LaForge that he's got to delegate, and LaForge thanks him for being a pal with the advice. Good stuff, though small. Worf certainly needs more of that and less growling and sneezing. Everyone needs less sneezing it seems.
So Ramsey, the lead survivor isn't really MacGuyver, he's a lookalike. Data reveals it was Platnium, expositing that Angel One has none (um... yeah, got that from context, thanks), and Ramsey reveals that his flight wings are platinum... so slightly better then residual heavy metal contamination, but still.. don't they need LaForge to look out a window or something to pull that off?
Troi continues her 'bad psychic' routine by admitting she feels no emotions from him related to being rescued. Ramsey points out that after seven years, Angel One is his home, and Plot Point, some of the survivors have wives and kids and stuff.
Back to Riker and Dick Diplomacy. The Patriachy Satire continues apace in this scene, specifically how the men are pampered while the women work.
Heh. I sort of saw this coming. Let me set it up.
Once upon a time people had a fairly honest opinion of what women found attractive in men, before Feminist realized they'd one and completely flipped their lid and went off the deep end about things like Fat Shaming and so on. Thats not to say that idiot ideas like 'sensitive men' didn't float around like unlinking turds in an unflushed toilet, but for the most part people got it, on both sides of the debate. The Cathedral, so to speak, wasn't concerned with supporting the lie that a good man was, well, Trent.
That was long ago, back in 1987 at least. Anyway, by ten years later, you pretty much couldn't admit that women found rugged manly men, or at least tall and somewhat hairy Riker men, more attractive then sensitive, twee hairless midgets like Trent. Enter the early Pick Up Artists and, eventually 'Evo-Psych Game' people who started pointing out that women really do like rugged manly men that act all leaderly and all that nonsense about crying and being in touch with your feminine side was actually anti-advice that came from women lying to themselves. Of course, such men were called all sorts of terrible names, and still are today.
Now, in this moment of Riker's special brand of Diplomacy we have this woman, this powerful leader of a matriarchal society, where all the men are shaved twee midgets, and she can't help but admitting a powerful, inexplicable attraction to Riker's tall and hairy self, with his arrogant, even sullen refusal to be pliable. While you could argue about the strength of Riker's 'Game', you have to admit this scene pretty much checks all the blocks of the Evo-psyche 'Sexual Market Value'. Hypergamy? Riker is a powerful ship officer, at least equal to the ruler of a petty back world. Height? All the angel one women are taller than their men, but Riker towers. Leadership? Riker leads his team with barked commands and doesn't let even the demands of diplomacy soften his edge...
In the land of waxed twee midgets, a hairy giant doesn't need Game.
On with the show.
So... Trent walks in and is just all awkward all over the place. He's got some shiny box thing and he won't leave despite having walked in during the tongue jousting portion of the evening entertainment.
To be honest? I feel a little sorry for the actor. Not for this scene but for this role in general. Despite being in the nearly literally emasculated role of a bohimbo on Angel One, and clearly being cursed with a general lack of height, I get the impression that he is probably two or three times as rugged and manly as the actors that have appeared on, say, Edo in Justice or Troi's would be husband in Haven. Okay, against Hubby Miller, maybe ten times as manly, but with (so far) no dialog.
Huh. According to Memory Alpha, he would go on to play the 'pre-complete' version of Lal, and one other character in the run of the show. So begin emasculated seems to be a theme for this guy.
Anyway, Riker hands over the 'aldeberani meditation crystal' that they've been lugging around the show without talking about. This super nifty object lights up and chimes when you touch the top of it, which so impresses Mistress that she absolutely has to start kissing Riker some more. Ah, primitive savages, easily impressed with glass baubles.
Ah, so only Ramsey will get to critique the culture of Angel One. I note that he is not a regular cast member, and therefore his voice has much less authority with the audience. In fact, Yar utterly dismisses his concerns by pointing out that its not his concern.
See, I like Ramsey, the character. The actor I can take or leave but he basically tells Star Fleet to pound sand. Data is forced to concede his point, though he makes a goof when he does.
'The Odin was not a starship and therefore not is not bound by the Prime directive".
Um. The Odin was, in fact, a 'Starship', which refers to a ship that travels between stars. A Romulan Warbird is a Starship, a Klingon Bird of Prey is a Starship. The Enterprise is a Starship. Only one of those four Starships is, in fact, a Federation Ship, which is what Data means, but they are all Starships.
Now, this could set up a fairly awesome legal debate, but this is Season One and season one seems to suck hard.
What? You think a legal debate would be boring? Hey, didn't Tom Hanks make an entire movie out of a guy stuck in an airport over a minor legal crack he fell into regarding his passport? Didn't it win some awards and some shit?
Yeah. Same basic idea. The Federation cannot force Ramsey to do anything, but Ramsey has pretty shaky ground for demanding the right to stay (or, might. They WERE accepted when they landed...). That makes him a man with out a home, and makes the diplomacy part of this mission much more complex and involving. Instead, we get klingon kongestion.
Cut to Sickbay were Doc is reminding us that the Federation is evil by showing the little kids (like... two or three years old) on the Enterprise. A ship, I remind you, that is currently under orders to face off with six Romulan Battlecruisers. With toddlers aboard. Evil.
LaForge calls from the Bridge, and we see a Uniform Skirt behind Doc as she reports in. Despite being constantly in the thick of whatever medical plague the episode brings, Doc is always the last one to get sick. the Camera cuts to the bridge where we see LaForge virtually alone. Q should be along any moment...
LaForge is clearly starting to get sick, or at least massively stressed out, when Yar calls. They're planning to interrupt Riker and LaForge wants them back on the ship because of the medical emergency... which is the exact opposite of what he should be ordering. Hell, it even serves the plot to keep them off the ship due to quarantine, but no... bring the healthy crew on board the plague ship, why not?
Mind you... this sickness is so viral it tore through the whole ship in under a day, and pretty much incapacitates anyone who catches it. Also, for no good reason it mutates every twenty minutes.
Anyway, Yar at least figures out that Ramsey was warned somehow, and asks, but doesn't press the issue. They wish him well and transport out, doing that stupid facing move they always do. Then Ariel enters frame, clearly she already knew the sweet, sweet joy of skipping twee midgets for hairy dirty working men, answering a question that only Yar cared about, and that barely. They kiss and stare right at the camera, which is sorta creepy.
Cut to TV post coital afterglow (everyone still dressed...), and some disjointed sociopolitical commentary pillow talk. The door chimes.
Trent get a line, then the away team just walks right in. Mind you, Riker is still rolling out of bed here. There are a lot of long pauses and clearly telegraphed cliched lines, then Mistress says "Im sorry too" as evil mood music plays... long pause then she unilaterally sentences Ramsey and the others to death.
Lolwut?
I mean: Sure, tighten the plot screws, give us some dramatic tension but...
When the away team arrived it took hours of debate in council just to admit the survivors existed, and more arm twisting to get permission to look for them. Now? Now she can just order death sentences? No debate? And why wasn't this done sometime in the last SEVEN FUCKING YEARS before the Enterprise arrived? Don't say because they hadn't been found. That's weak sauce.
Once again, the demon of incoherency rears its ugly head.
Doc brings chicken soup to a half naked Picard. Do Not Want.
Not soup? Apparently it is castor oil, which just seems out of place. And why, exactly? So we can get a weak ass gag about foul tasting medicine? She brought it in a thermos. This is Star Trek, where even something as mundane as pushing a glass vial into a round slot by hand is accompanied by electronic whooshing sounds.
All of this is a setup for Doc to smell the klingon cologne smell, and thus the key to solving the medical mystery. So, doc? Bad at medicine. Can't find infection vector? Did you try... I dunno... airborne particles? Also, since when can humans smell viruses?
On the other hand, Patrick Stewart has a convincingly sick 'croaking voice', which is damn fine acting.
Cut to Riker in uniform, talking to data about sick people
Reprising The Battle, Yar reveals that Federation Starships, or at least the Enterprise, don't really need a crew at all... at least not for all that messy flying business, but somehow still requires a functioning crew to be combat effective.
This leads to a bizarre mini-debate about leaving while Mistress plans to execute people. Not one mention of Prime Directives. Troi is probably just trying to find an excuse to avoid the plague ship.
Then, for no reason, Mistress brings in the Survivors as prisoners. Apparently, making the away team see that she's caught them (without their help...) is... important? Likewise, revealing she knows about, and has captured Ariel... important. Why?
Ariel gives excellent bitch-face when challenged, and clearly Ramsey won't be leaving an alpha widow at his execution, because she's sticking by her man all the way to the death chamber. And the whole time? Ariel is just smugly going 'yeah, but I got me a real man the last seven years. What you got, bitch? Trent?'.
Remember that whole debate and democracy thing? Yeah, Ariel is a high ranking government official, part of the planetary council. How exactly can you execute her (in a 'democracy', mind you) with only a day's notice? Damn that whole need for 'plot tension'.
So, Riker and Mistress face off a bit and, if I may inexpertly steal Game terms, he totally pulls a Frame Change on her. Like, he's all challenging her execution and she pulls that whole 'you're just a man' schtick, so he squares off and... mockingly?... goes to his knees all proper like.
Well, it works, since she starts to listen to him. Of course, if he'd just led with his offer of an alternative option that might not have been necessary. So... Cathedral? Maybe.
For reasons that make no sense, Troi, with Riker right there, approaches Ramsey with Riker's offer. Ok, so: Ramsey doesn't need the diplomatic coddling of a woman talking to him (and probably prefers not to have another bossy bitch telling him what to do, seeing as how he'd rather die here on principle...), but we can allow as how Ramsey hasn't actually met Riker, despite the weird framing of the 'Im gonna execute these people' scene.
No, seriously: Ramsey takes the stand on principle. True, he sort of frames it a bit like a jackass, but I suppose when you're being suicidally stubborn (even for a good reason) its hard to escape that. Ramsey doesn't want to die, but he refuses to leave, period.
Remember when I offered the whole legal debate? Yeah, we're about to reprise that.
See: Riker pretty much steps up and begins tossing the order to leave and Data points out that those orders are in violation of several laws, including the Stupid Directive. Riker than says he'd rather take the court marshal than leave these people to die. So...yay for strong moral stances on principle?
Only... what about Ramsey's strong moral stance on Principle?
Oh, yeah: His is against the moral imperative of Matriarchy, so its automatically invalid.
Sigh.
Doc, at least, or at last, takes the stance that the Enterprise is a god damn leper colony and no, you can't put healthy people on board to get sick, dumbass! Well, better late than never I suppose.
Riker orders Data aboard, as at least one writer seems to recall... oh, yeah, Robot! actually means something. Data's job? To fucking solo those god damn romulas like a BOSS!
And how is Data going to be more effective than just the autopilot? No one cares, but since he IS the third officer AND immune to the disease, going to the ship is still the right call. That way you aren't stuck with Doc commanding the ship and trying to cure the disease, while sick... though at that point having a proper chain of command seems sort of silly, right? Well, its the military... that's what they specialize in: Silly traditions in the face of damnation.
Troi rushes up with the accusatory question 'What of them?"
Bitch! Riker just offered to face a courts martial to save them. He was shot down by events beyond his control, a higher authority you might say (that is, the Enterprise is in orbit... ahh... never mind!). What the fuck do you expect? You gave him ten whole seconds to come up with a Plan B, for christ's sake!
So, scene. Trent walks in to invite them to witness the 'Reaffirmation of the Moral Imperative', which strikes me a very deliberately chosen, much like the earlier 'natural order'. Yar of all people (She of the Rape Gangs) finds that offensive because 'murder'. I'm thinking a few more 'reaffirmations of the moral imperative' on her home world might have had a positive impact on the Rape Gangs, but then most of Gene Roddenberry's ideas never work in the real world. What's one more?
Riker declines to watch people die, and Trent points out that its poor diplomacy. Riker should have just whipped out his dick right there, but no...
Data, alone on the dark bridge pulls some shady legal shenanigans with his orders and reveals that he mathed out that the Enterprise has 48 minutes to solve Plot. I am far, far too weary to detail exactly where he went wrong, but part of it involves travel time taking days to weeks, and another part involves letting another ship take a seven to one pounding for almost an hour because you think they can last that long.
So, now Riker fakes begin Honored to witness yadda yadda. Sigh. Sure.
Now, I'll also note here that while Mistress pretty much unilaterally determined executions, she doesn't seem terribly enthusiastic. So why no beaurocratic maneuvers to tie it up in debates? Oh, right, because Plot. Also, more deliberately poking the Satire bear by referencing Heresy and other religious excuses for executions, which I savage mercilessly as there has been exactly ZERO attempts thus far to establish any religious sentiments on Angel One. Thus this is a completely unearned jab at religion in what appears to be a purely secular society. Yes: Cathedral.
Also, for a society that hasn't mastered video phones they have disintegration chambers? Again: twentieth Century Technology? I could use one to get rid of my garbage, maybe Walmart has them?
So, now Riker gets to say his piece. There are some jabs about execution then he goes on about revolution (least armed revolutionaries evah), and twists that into... evolution? He goes on about the history of Angel One's revolutionary movement that has zero relation to anything that has come up in the episode thus far.
Also? Nothing in his speech here required the Enterprise to still be on station, so he was going to skip this attempt to save them because?
Oh Noes! The speech didn't work? They're gonna kill him anyway? Drama!
Ariel's bitch face wins in the end? No, seriously. Trent is the guy with the remote control crystal ball, and he's all lowering his hand while Ariel looks fierce until she call Mistress by name. That causes mistress to stop Trent's hand.
So... really, this was just a mean girl showdown, with Mistress trying to get back at Ariel for having a cool boyfriend while Mistress was stuck with poor Twee Midget Trent? It just went too far and Ariel just called her out on her bullshit and its over?
This is why Matriarchies don't work, people.
Also, Ramsey? Balls of Quadritanium. Mistress walks out, having called off the execution but Trent's still holding that crystal ball, but Ramsey? Just cooly standing in the execution chamber like 'Yo, dawg. That be my bitch right there. Don't be jealous.'
Now that the planet side plot is all but wrapped up, Doc miraculously finds the cure to the disease. Naturally.
So, with 17 minutes to leave for the Romulan Free For All, Data tells Riker who gives all those beam up orders along with stand by.
So, shortest legislative session ever end right on cue as Mistress walks back in. So... all that debate and shit? All lies. Mistress is the head bitch and all the other mean girls know it. She didn't try to call for a vote to straight up murder a bitch, she only call the session now to save face. Got it.
OMG, I am so shocked, y'all! She called it off? Whoda thunk it? Oh, now don't be celebrating, Ariel challenged her authoratai and that can't stand. So... exile to Siberia? Sounds like Siberia.
For no good reason (ok, since he's the big cast member here) Mistress lavishes some unearned praise on Riker for his talk-talk, when we all know it was Ariel that called her out. Another face saving move? Probably. Also trying to get another round with Mr. Diplomacy, keeping that door open.
So they beam right out of there and I can't help but think: Mistress could totally just be waiting for them to go away with their starship, and since everyone is already gathered in the execution chamber.... nah...
Maybe?
Anyway, the away team on the bridge, getting their shots. Picard, with his death croak, is already there. Sounds like he asks Riker to give him a detailed report on his.... diplomacy, and given how quickly Riker changes the subject I wasn't imagining it.
And despite the fact that they are now behind schedule (the cure was synthesized at 17 minutes. How long did it take to get it to Picard and for him to get dressed and to the bridge? No matter how you parse it, there is some delay. If the Doc called the dying man to the bridge for his shot he had to dress and get there under zombie power, and if she had to get to his cabin and inject him, then he didn't start getting up until maybe ten minutes left, probably less given that it took Riker ten minutes to get Data to Engineering in Naked Now... Safe to say, if Picard is inoculated and dressed on the bridge, then they are running late, period.
So naturally Picard orders only Warp Six, seeing as how they are in a hurry and all. Presumably, Data was given orders at some point to generally take Picard's orders with a grain of salt and is currently setting out at the less leisurely rate of warp 9, so that the USS Berlin isn't a cold ball of expanding gas and scrap metal when they arrive, dead for days.
And end.
So.
While I found the not terribly hidden politics rather annoying, and more importantly hypocritical, this episode is actually fairly well written, as TNG episodes go, certainly a standout for the season. I won't lie and claim otherwise simply because I disagree with it. Its still lacking the in depth look at the issues of the day that Star Trek loves to brag about, as usual providing only a glib and facile gloss that is often overshadowed by frivolous secondary plots. In fact, this dueling plot thing is getting tiresome.
I've pretty throughly covered the writing missteps in the review, so I won't repeat them here, and I've talked up the political angle pretty throughly, which leaves... science.
So... Space Jesus catches a virus from a Holodeck program? He passes it to Worf and Picard via Snowball... or virus perfume? the Virus mutates every twenty minutes???
I'm pretty sure that viral infections of cells, that is to say viral generations, take much longer than twenty minutes a cycle, and mutating drastically every generation is a bit over the top. Likewise: there are lots of airborne diseases, to my knowledge human beings can't smell any of them, though we might smell symptoms of them.
But most of all: They caught it from the Holodeck?
The one episode where they remember Data is a fucking robot they had the Holodeck invent a new virus to infect the crew with super flu?
Oh hell.
Just.
I don't know. I mean... what can you say to that? Clearly, it is Super Jesus's fault, a misfire of his messianic power over technology. After all, he was patient zero.
Ah.. better.
See? Everything is better when you can blame it on Space Jesus. He resolves all thorny plot tangles and science stupidity by his mere presence.
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