This episode is somewhat less irritating than the previous episodes, if only because there is so much less cultural bravado it in. The Enterprise is chasing a Ferengi vessel that stole some sort of power converter (if it was bought at Tashi Station is never stated) from a Federation outpost. There is some general nonsense, in the dialog, but nothing unexpected.
The Ferengi ship hits orbit over an unexplored planet, slows to sub-light, so the Enterprise slows to Impulse. I'll overlook imprecision in the dialog here... blah, blah, blast of light and the Enterprise is stuck in some sort of energy drain.
The takeaway point is that, despite dialog on Farpoint, in the Pilot, the Federation literally only knows about the Ferengi from rumors at this point, so they think the Ferengi vessel has trapped them.
Only, it turns out: not. The planet, according to the ship's library, is an old outpost of the Tkon empire, which existed six hundred thousand years earlier. Picard's never heard of them, but his fascination with archeology hasn't been established fully yet, so we'll forgive that.
There is some 'one world' nonsense being promulgated, general mockery of the concept of nations and patriotism in general, and we learn that the Federation doesn't really teach any real history except the bad parts to prove how superior they are. Yar has no idea what flags are, for example, which is a bit like me not knowing what a 'coat of arms' is.
Anyway: While they think the Ferengi vessel has trapped them they prepare to surrender despite not receiving a single call back from the Ferengi.
This is....
Annoying. Extremely annoying. While they make one attempt to escape the energy trap that fails, Picard unilaterally rejects all other attempts to break free, preferring to open a dialog openly offering to surrender, without it even being asked of him.
If you know nothing of the military, recognize that this is a court-martial offense as bad as anything, probably worse than anything, Picard has ever done, Prime Directive or not. Luckily it turns out the Ferengi are prepared to surrender themselves, and they mistake his offer for a demand. Of course, this pretty much means that the Ferengi understand human/English Idiomatic military speak, as I don't recall Picard actually saying "Surrender" at any point, but talking around the word about 'terms' and so forth.
Anyway, this leads to everyone figuring out that its the planet, and a somewhat famous scene of Data getting caught in a chinese finger puzzle. Given the nature of their previous escape attempt, I can only assume this will lead to figuring out how to escape the trap somehow, as metaphoric concepts translate to technobabble on a one for one basis.
Anyway, this eventually leads me to why I chose to continue reviewing for another episode. They make a deal with the Ferengi to send joint away teams to the planet, where everyone is scattered by the trap. Worf, Laforge, Riker and Data are stunned by the Ferengi, and then wake up and begin fighting.
Remember when I was talking about how a chick-asskicker in a politically agenda'd show can never be legitimately captured? Yar saves everyone by walking out of the mists with her phaser drawn.
Woo.Fucking.Hoo.
Let me point this out: The Three Midget Ferengi are successfully kicking Worf and Data down, along with Riker and LaForge, and are fully armed with their own whip-blaster things, which obviously have a substantial Area of Effect for the blast (stunning even Data at a range of two or three meters from point of impact), but Yar shows up and it's 'fight over'?
Because, again: A chick asskicker can not be defeated without giving lie to physical inequities. Even by Armin Shimmerman in full makeup as an alien.
Well, we can vaguely excuse this because the Ferengi aren't so much intimidated by Yar as they are shocked that Human's actually force their women to wear clothes... so yes, grossly sexists evil aliens. Eh. I still preferred them to the tamer Ferengi of later seasons (and DS9 for that matter). Sort of. I mean: The Ferengi are aggressively alien to us, which is something Star Trek has ever struggled with, but their portrayal here is less 'alien' and more 'feral', which directly contradicts their technological capabilities.
Then too, remember in Naked Now, when I pointed out how difficult it is to get a room cold enough, in space, to create hoarfrost?
Yeah: The Last Post more or less makes the same elemental mistake about space, physics and heat loss. Space is an excellent insulator. Ironically, they have an out here... unlike in Naked Now, they aren't generating power so much, the drain could be used to explain the rapid heat loss too, but they don't do that. I don't give passes that aren't earned, so fuck Star Trek and their lack of space physics.
Yes: the enterprise would get to around two hundred degrees below zero in Earth Orbit without power. Eventually. It should be measured in Kelvins, but this one they get a pass on because... viewers. But how long exactly would it take to simply radiate out that much heat?
Not mere minutes, I'll tell you that. You think it would be that fast? Tell ya what: go put a pie in the oven. I'll wait. Now, as soon as its done cooking, turn the oven off and take that pie right out of the oven with your bare hands. Too hot? Okay, wait a few minutes. Now try.
That pie probably masses less than a kilogram, and it holds heat pretty damn good. Now, the heat of that pie is being sucked out of it by convection... that is the pie is transferring heat to the air around it, the hot air moves away from the pie and cold air takes its place, which is one reason taking the pie out of the closed oven lets it cool faster.
In space there is no air to be heated, no moving of hot and cold air. There is no convection. For all Space is Damn Cold, that pie would actually stay hot longer in space than it will on your countertop.
Now: the Enterprise is a damn sight larger than a Pie. So while it may not be as hot as a fresh baked pie, it holds a helluva lot more energy than a pie does, so it takes a helluva lot more time to cool off. Never mind that if you piled all the several thousand people aboard into a few close room and closed the doors, mere body heat and insulation would keep those rooms unpleasantly toasty for a long, long time even if the ship was igloo cold.
Now: air quality? that could be a reasonable problem to face. But they'd all choke to death on their own carbon dioxide before they froze. Too bad the writers didn't think of that, eh?
Anyway: Picard is walking around in the dark and 'cold' ship talking to Crusher and they have a bit of an exchange about Wesley. Crusher wanted to sedate her son so he wouldn't have to be awake to freeze to death and Picard says something reasonably sensible about having the right to face death awake. Its not a grand sentiment, perhaps... questionable maybe... but its a reasonable thing to say.
Crusher asks him if that is a male perspective, rather condemnatory. Picard turns away and croaks something that sounds like 'rubbish'.
Its a curious scene, and rather condemnatory no matter how Picard responded simply because its included. It sort of just hangs there, accusing Picard of some sort of primitive masculinism that goes unchallenged.
Look: I think everyone can make up their own damn minds if they'd prefer to meet death awake and aware or stoned out of their gourds. The idea that its more manly to confront freezing to death is a bit silly, and I'm generally inclined to pro-masculine honor and all that jazz. But Crusher's sneering remark is the voice of the show, more or less. Picard doesn't confront her at all, doesn't make an honest, expected statement about how its a human right, or whatever.
Back on the planet Yar is finding the Ferengi don't respect her Authoratah, so she phases them, only to have her blast absorbed by the 'inert' crystals that Data was investigating earlier. The Ferengi, who has just used their blasters earlier, find their weapons do the same thing.
Note: Data called the giant crystal formations inert and uninteresting, which is sort of like his problem with the word Impossible in Naked Now. Clearly he is fascinated by them, as he ignores Riker calling for him until Riker is more or less in his face, inspecting the crystals, and since the damn things glow from within they are clearly not 'Inert' from a scientific point of view.
Anyway: LaForge's 'eyes' aren't just showing him Yar's pointy nipples, they also let him see 'lines of force' and so forth. In other words, he's been watching the Electric Koolaide show the entire time they've been on planet, but he just now mentions it when they realize the crystals are sucking in power. Still doesn't address why the Ferengi blaster worked earlier (lampshaded by Riker, who asks the same question...hee!).
Then a glowing face appears demanding the barbarians speak. He says some junk about being Portal 63, who faces the challenge (the Ferengi point to Riker, but this is unused), and who enters the Tkon empire...
So, the Tkon Empire has a pretty brutal Custom's regime, what with draining life support power and so on...
Anyway, Portal materializes as an old bent man with a big spear, going on about how excellent it is to be a biped, and he and Data argue for a while about the proper dating of the Tkon Empire, which is actually somewhat interesting to me, but is sadly cut short.
Again: How the hell does the Federation have such exhaustive notes about an empire that came and went before any of the established Major Races of the Federation had learned to rub sticks together to make fire?
Since I don't think the Tkon Empire ever makes another appearance anywhere in Star Trek, it is safe to say we will never know. *
Anyway: the Ferengi rather cunningly accuse the Federation of being barbaric, using their own high ground against them. This is the first, and probably last time in Star Trek that approaches an actual debate on the merits of rules like the Prime Directive. And, keeping with the finest traditions of Picard, Riker proceeded to agree that humans are savage, barbaric animals worthy of destruction, or something. This leads to a curious bit of Chekov's Gunning... as apparently Star Fleet teaches Sun Tsu, specifically 'Know when to fight and when not to fight', which is exactly the same words Portal uses at the start of his Challenge to Riker.
Anyway, since ST could never actually hold an honest, intellectual debate on any moral point... at least not one central to the utopian ideals of the Federation, Portal quickly dismisses the Ferengi as closed minded savages, and begins a little intellectual discussion with Riker. Sigh.
Portal releases the Enterprise, and as the lights come on people start waking up. Kinda like they were suffocating on their own bad air, rather than freezing to death. Sigh.
Curiously, of course, the finger puzzles have nothing to do with overcoming the trap. Instead they make a joke appearance at the end as Riker offers to send a box to the Ferengi as some sort of revenge, and LaForge is stuck in one as well.
Seriously: Chinese Finger Puzzles aren't THAT hard to solve. I can ignore, if not forgive, Data for being troubled by one (seriously though: Its the instinctive pulling away that makes the puzzle work. Data shouldn't have that instinct, and his mind works on mathematics and logic... simply analyzing the design of the tube should reveal how the damn thing works to him, in seconds. Once Picard 'freed' him in front of everyone, none of the bridge officers should be bothered by finger puzzles. Fuck a Duck, this 'gag a week' writing stinks of old limburg cheese.
*The exception being non-canon books, which I don't read. Memory Alpha is useful for this sort of thing.
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