The Last Boyscout

"The Sky is blue, water is wet, women lie."

So says Bruce Willis's character in our title movie.  He repeats this several times, as a leitmotif, in fact dampening down the last portion at the end of the movie to reveal he is just a little less bitter, in a not quite subtle form of character development.

Of course, he can get away with that, since it was the early nineties, it was Bruce Fucking Willis, and it was just one sad-sack loser of a character who has his eyes opened to the 'truth' by the end of the film.

Because we, as a people, can no longer tell truths if they go against the grain. Telling unwelcome truths is never easy, and not always wise, but I fear we've gone way too far.   There is a long post brewing about progressives, socialism and the deliberate destruction of probity, forcing us to lie about ourselves in a thousand little ways simply to get by... but that is a topic for another day. 

I am going to risk the wrath of a million easily offended women by focusing on the fact that, yes, women lie. 

I don't mean they lie like men lie, for simple gains or to avoid unpleasant consequences. Of course they do that. We can say there are 'human lies' and 'women's lies', two specific categories of lies that exist side by side. No 'men's lies', though of course there are some lies in the 'human' category that men tell 'yeah baby, you the only one for me' seems like a man specific lie, doesn't it?   Well, actually: women tell those lies too, when appropriate. 

Women lie in a way that is alien to men, in a way we often cannot fathom, and with a frequency that would be astounding if anyone ever called them on it. 

This is where our eponymous boy scout get it wrong.  The lies that Bruce Willis's character is thinking about goes back to his wife cheating on him. 

That is hardly specific to women... though science has shown us women do in fact cheat far more readily and often than men do, despite a decade plus of concentrated, deliberate effort to convince society that men were the dogs.  Men will lie about cheating, they are just less effective at it... something to do with the fact that women will happily convince their girlfriends to help them cover for an affair, while men's friend just sort of haphazardly wing it... unless they think they can score with the wronged woman!

This, despite the fact that women are notoriously bitchy and backstabbing towards one another. 

So what sort of lies am I talking about? 

Mostly, for this post, I'm talking about Identity Lies.  Women lie about who they are constantly, on a fundamental level. They lie to themselves on a scale that boggles the mind.  While almost any man who has had experience with women can tell you that women give the worst dating advice, it has been shown by experts that most official dating advice isn't just wrong, it is literally the polar opposite of the truth! If a woman tells you to bring flowers, skip them. If she tells you don't call her a bitch, do so!

I exaggerate slightly, to save words. 

Women tell men they want nice guys, en masse they say this, and everyone who has ever tried to be the 'nice guy' has learned that women don't want nice guys... they want jerks and assholes... bad boys who will cheat on them, won't call them, and might not even remember their names. 

Remember: Empirical man.  If you doubt me, and you've been a lonely nice guy for a while, just go try it. Go find some women you don't know (or heck, even some you do!), and just be an asshole. Call them bitches, ignore them, treat them like a completely disposable, interchangeable fuck-hole you could care less about. If I'm right you'll make more progress than candies and flowers and praise ever got you. If I'm wrong, you can go back to being the chump in the friend zone.   

And its not like I'm not talking from experience. I was in long term relationship because I ordered a girl I barely knew into my car so we could go to my house and fuck.  She claimed later that she had no idea what my intention was, but she stuck around for a decade, gave me threesomes and let me sleep with other women simply because I demanded what I wanted from her.  

So I know it works. 

But that's just one facet, not even a big one.  So women don't know how to give dating advice, even though they claim to be experts on emotional connections, empathy, and...well... women? So what? 

Well, they also lie to themselves about their ability to fight like a man, their ability to live in a man's world, to work and fuck like a man... but that might not be their fault. Feminism has lied to them for fifty years about these things, and western civilization has coddled and protected them from the consequences of these lies for far longer.  Men have created a civilization where women are mostly safe at night, where... at one time... criminals avoided robbing women in favor of the riskier attacks on men.  Oh, sure, there were still rapists, who weren't about to go for a big, hairy man in favor of a soft, pretty woman, but rapists were the lowest of the low for a long time. But that's changing, all of it is changing, and as Feminism at last sees all of its goals achieved on a scale its founders might have never imagined (even, perhaps, been disgusted by. For all her faults Betty Friedian opposed NOW's agenda and was kicked off the board...), and the result is that men are losing their respect for women. Criminals are finding them easier, often richer, targets than men and rapists have been dethroned by pedophiles in the pantheon of evil, and that is Feminisms fault. After all, dirty uncles have always been with us. 

But Feminism used 'The Children' as a weapon for decades, and society agreed that children were more precious than women. The enshrining in Feminist Canon for the institution of false rape accusations, and the increasingly abusive use of police to charge any man with domestic violence if he dared not bow to his wife or girlfriend under 'domestic abuse' law has caused many men to think twice about charges of rape, about rapists.  Abuse of their rhetorical weapons has begun to backfire.

But wait, there's more!

Anna Paquin is happily married to her male costar from True Blood, and to my knowledge has NEVER been seen out with a woman in public in any reasonably romantic way, even by innuendo and rumor, despite having been in the public eye since she was a mere girl. Yet, she proclaims proudly her bisexuality. 

Amber Heard was an out and proud 'pretty lesbian starlet' up until Johnny Depp needed new arm-candy. 

That's two famous cases, but I know many, many others. Women proclaim proudly their bisexuality, their gayness, constantly, but hook up exclusively with men, or at best carry girlfriends until the next suitable man comes along.  My LTR, for our entire relationship, talked about how she was bi. But, you see, I had sex with her and other women, and I know better.  She would barely touch another woman during sex, she was all about the dick, as were her 'bi girlfriends' whom we shared our bed. 

We could talk about female fluid sexuality, of course, and I won't deny that there are lesbians out there, real ones, not the straight girls doing girl-girl porn because its is somehow less sleazy than taking a cock on camera, and I won't even mention (hah!!!) college girls grinding on their girlfriends in the club. 

Women lie about their own identities. Bisexuality is 'in'. Gays are getting lots of attention and women want a part of that.  They believe their lies. I have to believe that they do, the alternative is that half the human population is sociopathic. 

Bisexuality is merely the current trend, the big one that seems to come from the lips of every single woman who doesn't have a pressing reason to avoid it (christians, say!), but I've seen women lie about being vegetarians. Lie, you see, because for all they proclaim it they will guiltily admit to 'cheating'.

Look, if you avoid meat for ten years and suddenly have some bacon out of long suppressed longing, that's fine. That's a lapse, a breakdown of will. I have to wonder about someone who has to fight the urges to eat meat for ten years, but that's another story.

But if you are buying bacon at the grocery store, keeping it in your fridge...thats not a lapse. You're a damn liar, a carnivore proclaiming your 'pure and innocent' vegetarianism for societal praise. 

And I just don't see men doing this. 

Not anywhere near the industrial scale that women do.  In fact, when a man lies about himself for praise, we call him on it, call him a fraud and a con artist and any number of invective phrases. Depending on his lies, we may even arrest him.

Not that I'm saying we arrest Anna Paquin for lying about her bisexuality... or potentially lying. I mean, I haven't had sexual relations with her recently, so maybe good old vampire Bill enjoyed his wife and her maid of honor on their honeymoon.

Notice, in my list of bi-lies, I left off X-tina. Why? Because X-tina actually IS sleeping with girls and boys. 

So: Not a liar.  In fact, she got served with divorce papers by her husband (the FOOL!!!!) because X-tina loves the pink a little too much. 

I also left of Lady Gaga because I can't be assed to research her, and I've never heard of her dating ANYONE... ever.  I will note, in passing, that pretty much all of her videos have her dancing around with dudes. Gay dudes, mostly, but still. 

Katy Perry? She just claimed she kissed a girl, and liked it.  Not the same as claiming she regularly visits the isle of sappho.  Hey, who hasn't kissed a girl and liked it?  Girls are eminently kissable, I think we can all agree. 

Of course, I think we'll be seeing more men lying about being gay (or queer, which I increasingly realize means 'womanly'... as all women seem to be queer or pro-queer when you listen to them) as we increasingly set gay's up as some sort of super-minority.  As my previous posts on this remain mere drafts, I'll reference once again the 'gay-only' scandal of Eddie Izzard and the case of the mysteriously missing dress.   

Hey, going 'gay for pay' netted him millions of dollars, and he even went out of his way to stress his love of girls over boys!  Now that he is rich and famous, being not-gay means not scaring the mom and pop folks, thus more money!  

So: Is he really queer (Tranvestite) who dropped the dresses once it started hurting his prospects in Kansas? Or was he never really queer at all, but merely wore dresses and makeup to stand out from every other stand-up comic out there? 

Whatever the truth is, Eddie Izzard is merely a taste of what is to come for the gay community.  Bring on the quotas, I'll happily mark 'gay' on my next job application if it means hiring preferences. Prove I'm not!



Edit::: I can't believe I forgot the old (two decades at least) practice of men pretending to be gay to get laid.  Well, just imagine I wrote something witty and long winded about it and you'll be fine.

Real Edit: For some reason I had Pink listed instead of Christina Aguilera. I even knew I'd made the mistake, but forgot to correct it until now, months later. I denounce myself.